


absolution for our sins

by duchessas



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter Next Generation, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Past Child Abuse, Swearing, Time Travel, Underage Drinking, lots of swearing, plus other issues, seems weird but roll with it, some references to eating disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duchessas/pseuds/duchessas
Summary: It starts when a girl falls from the sky. From this moment, nothing in Severus' life will be the same again.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Luna Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	1. (i)

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that I have been thinking about for a loooong time and finally forced myself to put down on paper. It's grown and spawned into something MUCH bigger than it was intended but hey.  
> This is obviously non-canon compliant in many ways, including the fact I have changed Lily Luna's eye colour so that she has Harry's green eyes. (If they can do it in the films...)  
> There are some references to the Potter/Weasley kids and other issues they have acquired growing up in the spotlight, as well as lots of swearing and mature themes. Please heed the warnings!  
> If you do choose to carry on reading, thank you SO much. As weird as this story may be, I hope you enjoy it!!

**absolution for my sins  
** _and i told you to be patient / and i told you to be fine  
_ _and i told you to be balanced / and i told you to be kind_

(i)

It happens on a day that Severus did not think could possibly get any worse.

He is skulking at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, his feet slowly turning to ice inside his battered shoes. The shoes in question are two years old and there is definitely a hole somewhere in the left sole letting the cold and damp in but Severus doesn’t have the money to replace them.

After a morning of being tormented by Potter and Black, a lunchtime watching Potter flirt shamelessly with Lily - made worse by the fact Lily did not reject him or cut him dead - Severus had received an owl from his mother with the thinly veiled suggestion that he stay at school for Christmas. Even though it wasn't a surprise, the latter had stung more than Severus had expected. 

His mood is black and his thoughts are morbid. Everything seems so depressing from where he stands on the outskirts, a lone figure looking on as the rest of the Hogwarts students take part in a snowball fight. Severus has no friends, his professors eye him more and more warily as more and more rumours circulate and the girl he loves openly despises him.

To add insult to injury, the only people who seem able to bear his company are Lucius Malfoy and his gang of followers. And even then Severus is fully aware that this is only because they recognise his potions talent as an asset in the coming war. Everyone can feel it brewing: tensions are rising inside and outside the castle with people choosing sides, casting their lots and plotting against each other. Everyone can feel its presence hanging there, a dark cloud on the horizon. Inevitable.

This war is the reason that Lucius whispers to him about _blood purity_ and _Mudbloods_ and _the power of the Dark Lord_. About how the Dark Lord will make Severus’ pathetic life so much better. Surprisingly, it doesn’t seem to matter as much that the Dark Lord only needs someone competent to brew complex potions to further the his agenda. The Death Eaters are pursuing him and, at this point, Severus is willing to take any kind of friendship, no matter the motive.

Besides, all of the whispers of _come and sit with us, Snape - we could use a mind like yours_ stroke his ego. It’s a matter of pride in that people see him as an asset. The fact that someone looks at him, sees him and wants to seize him for their cause - well, it’s nice to be noticed.

It is at this very moment, as Severus’ thoughts wander down this increasingly familiar path, that the girl falls from the sky.

Now, to be clear: Severus doesn’t actually _see_ this happen. What he does know is that one moment he is there with only his bitter thoughts and total misery for company; the next, there is a sudden, fierce gust of wind - the kind that raises goosebumps on his skin and cuts through the little warmth his cloak provides - closely followed by the unmistakable crackle of magic.

Then, just like that, there is the _thump_ of a body hitting the ground and Severus is no longer alone.

His first response is to whirl around to discover what the noise was, braced for the worst with his fingers clenched around the handle of his wand and his face contorted into a snarl.

Severus is expecting Potter and Black to be there, mocking grins in place and some kind of prank up their sleeves. Perhaps they want to rub his nose in the incident at the lake again, as they like to do every few days even though it six months ago that they had strung him up by the ankle and removed both his underwear and his dignity.

Yes, Severus knows he is spoiling for a fight - has been all day. A chance to curse Potter and curse him _good,_ letting out all of his anger, hurt and frustration, would hit the spot. Lately, Severus has spent so much time alone, creating and experimenting, that he knows he can inflict serious damage. And it would serve Potter right. 

But Potter is not there, and neither is Black. For a moment Severus stares around, peering into the lengthening shadows of the trees that guard the mouth of the forest. It is only when he glances down, searching for footprints, that he sees the motionless, tangled heap of limbs in the snow.

For a moment, Severus is frozen in his tracks by the sensation of icy panic. This person - this girl, judging her long red hair - is still and unmoving, facedown on the ground.

His first thought is that she might be _dead._ That would be just Severus’ luck: there isn’t a person in the school who would believe that he hasn’t laid a finger on her. Everyone already thinks he’s up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts, plus he’s a Slytherin. That basically means, according to the Gryffindors, that Severus has the skills, resources and callousness to inflict pain and suffering. His reputation and infamous obsession with the Dark Arts speaks for him. He’d be expelled before he could do anything about it.

Severus steps forward carefully, the snow crunching beneath his feet. He is reaching out to press two fingers to her pulse point, seeking a heartbeat, when the girl moves. Abruptly, she plants both hands on the ground and pushes herself up onto her knees, spitting snow out of her mouth as she does so. As Severus has never seen a corpse do that before, he thinks he might be off the hook - for murder at least. 

“Merlin _fuck_ ,” the girl hisses, swiping a hand over her eyes and blinking her snow-encrusted lashes in a futile attempt to clear her vision.

“Now, now,” Severus drawls, his voice cool and condescending even though he can feel his heart ricochetting off his ribcage from his moment of panic. “Such _language_.”

“Oh, fuck off you self-righteous c-“ the girl begins, her head snapping around so that he is on the end of a fierce glower that would halt most wizards in their tracks.

As soon as she locks her gaze on his, she cuts herself off suddenly, staring at Severus with the expression you would normally see on someone who has taken a Bludger to the head. Severus too is silenced, trying to gather the words together to construct some kind of scathing retort but finding himself unable to grasp onto anything he can string together into a sentence.

The reason for this is that he has - unbelievably - found himself staring into the wide, clear green eyes of Lily Evans. He would know that unmistakeable shade of emerald anywhere: he has known it since childhood, has been haunted by it in his dreams.

But this is _not_ Lily Evans: there is no doubt about that. To start with, this girl’s limbs are longer and slimmer - quite frankly, her legs seem to be up to her armpits and yes, Severus does notice. Her hair, which tumbles to her waist, is flecked with gold and she has a Slytherin tie knotted loosely around her neck. And, most alarming of all, is the golden dusting of freckles that are scattered over _James sodding Potter’s_ distinctive ski-slope nose.

Instinctively, Severus steps away from her. He can’t help it; it’s his natural reaction to the unnerving sight before him.

It is a trick, it has to be. That’s the only explanation Severus can think of. This must be something that Potter has come up with - perhaps a clever bit of Transfiguration? Potter has always had a frustrating flair for the subject. It would be perfectly in character for Potter to scheme and come up with a way to push Severus’ buttons and Potter would know how much this would hurt, how it was a kick below the belt.

Cold fury washes over Severus at this thought. His temper never has been the best but he doesn’t care. He tightens his hold on his wand, eyeing the girl as though she might bite.

The girl seems to come to her senses and suddenly launches herself to her feet. In what seems like a split second, she has yanked her own wand from the waistband of her skirt and levelled it at his face.

“I’m really, _really_ good at hexes,” she tells him, her voice cold and the warning clear. “I wouldn’t.”

Severus finds himself immediately flummoxed and reduced to gaping at her. He has never _ever_ been so derailed by one person before and he hopes never to be again. It makes him feel weak. Maybe it's because of Lily's eyes shining out of that face, but he keeps expecting her to _act_ like Lily. 

“You shouldn’t keep your wand in your skirt like that,” Severus finally says, unable to think of anything else to say in this bizarre situation. “It’s dangerous. You could blow your hip off.”

Several sparks shoot from her wand tip in response, nearly singing Severus’ eyebrows.

“You might thank me for that in ten years when you still have both hips intact,” Severus hisses, his mood darkening further. He reaches out to knock her arm away from him. “This is an i _nfantile_ prank. Who put you up to this?”

The girl scoffs and gives him a look so contemptuous that it burns, but she does lower her wand slightly. She doesn’t put it away, keeping it trained at his abdomen instead, as though she doesn’t trust him. Smart girl.

“Why are you accusing _me_?” she snaps, accompanying this question with an impatient toss of her hair. “I’m the one who has been yanked out of Care of Magical creatures when I was supposed to be riding a Hippogriff, which is actually pretty fucking cool, only toend up knee deep in the fucking snow. Just for the record, it’s May and it doesn’t snow in May. I’m quite clearly the injured party here.”

Severus blinks. This utter insanity of the situation is escalating and with each second that passes Severus feels less and less sure about what is happening. Also, he has never heard anyone swear so much in such a short space of time and that is saying something.

The girl does have a point though: she is not dressed for the cold. She doesn’t have a jumper or robes and her legs are bare beneath her skirt; even in the few minutes they have been glaring at each other, she has started to shiver. In an attempt to mask this, she huffs again and plants one hand on her hip, the very picture of defiance.

“This is something to do with _Potter_ ,” Severus hisses, unable to think of anything else to say or anyone else to blame - especially when all he can see Potter’s nose in the middle of her annoyingly pretty face.

The girl falters for a moment, the first trace of doubt flickering across her features. It vanishes so quickly that some might have doubted it happened at all, but Severus sees it and recognises it for what it is.

“This is nothing to do with us,” the girl says coldly, but Severus notices her use of ‘us’, as well as the threatening edge to her voice. “Al is too busy screwing his way around the Quidditch team for this kind of shit and James couldn’t pull this off.”

“Al?” Severus asks, raising an eyebrow. _Who in Merlin’s name is Al_?

The girl shakes her head, exasperated, and turns away from him. Severus watches her rake her fingers through that long long hair and let out a shaky breath. Apparently she is not as cocksure as she is pretending to be.

“Right,” she says to the nearest tree. “Right. I’m sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation here. Hogwarts is a magic school and weird shit happens all the time - mysterious passages, trick steps and all. I’m sure it’s just one of those things. It’s fine.”

“I’m sure that tree will have an absolutely enlightening comment on the situation,” Severus all but sneers. “But let’s deal with the issue at hand. Who are you? I’ve never seen you before.”

 _But I’ve seen someone with those eyes and some else with that nose_ , he thinks to himself.

With another sigh, the girl turns to face him once more, her arms folded across her chest. Severus has a distinct feeling that this is more to do with how cold it is than anything else, but it doesn’t make her any less intimidating. Those ever-so-familiar eyes are narrowed into slits.

“Lily,” she says, as though this should be quite obvious to him. “Lily Potter. Who are _you?_ ”

The bottom of Severus’ stomach falls away. This prank may be dirty and moronic, and he is certainly capable of recognising that, but it is still having the desired effect on him. The very coupling of Lily’s name with _Potter’s_ is enough to knock him sideways.

“Don’t play this game with me,” he replies coldly. “You _know_ exactly who I am. Potter obviously told you to find _Snivellus Snape_ skulking around the forest and-“

The little colour left in this girl’s - Lily’s? - pale face drains away. Her lips part but no sound comes out and that expression of complete disorientation has returned.

“Fuck,” she says, interrupting him as she sits down heavily on an icy tree stump. “Fuck. Severus Snape? Are you sure?”

“Am I sure that I am Severus Snape?” Severus asks incredulously. “Oh no, not sure at all. I’ve just been Severus Snape for every day for my whole life. What do I know?”

Lily scowls at him.

“Normally I would appreciate and applaud that kind of sarcastic response, but this isn’t fucking funny,” she tells him angrily. “If you’re Severus Snape, like you _say_ you are, you look about fifteen-“

“ _Sixteen_ ,” Severus hisses, rankled.

“Whatever,” Lily snaps back. “Whichever way, you’re a teenager and that means it’s got to be, like, the seventies. Which is a big fucking issue because I’m not from the seventies and I don’t know anything about ponchos or bell-bottoms or how not to fuck up the world or any of that shit.”

“You swear a _lot_ ,” Severus says, choosing not to address the actual content of Lily’s tirade because, quite frankly, there is just too much weirdness in there that he doesn’t know where to start.

Lily looks at him, her expression almost pitying. Her lips have taken on a blueish tinge.

“You should hear my brothers,” she finally says, the anger gone from her voice as she grasps his subject change. “My Dad makes a mint in the swear jar.”

Severus, slightly reluctantly, shrugs off his cloak and drapes it around her shoulders. She looks so miserable that he feels an actual, real pang of sympathy - which he tries to squash immediately. He doesn’t need to feel sorry for this jumped up, frustrating girl.

It is bitterly cold without the warmth of the wool but then again he does have the advantage of a jumper and robes. He’s not actually sure if Lily is wearing a skirt or a belt so she must be feeling worse than him.

“I can believe that,” he says dryly. “So - you think you’re - you - how did you get here?”

“So you believe me?” Lily asks.

“I didn’t say that.”

Lily pulls his cloak tightly around herself and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘ _prick_ ’ before she raises her voice to a normal volume. She hasn’t said thank you and he doesn’t think she’s going to.

“I don’t know what happened,” she says grudgingly, pursing her lips. Severus gets the impression she doesn’t like not knowing something and it doesn’t happen to her very often. “I was just in class and Hagrid was getting all excited because we’re studying Hippogriffs - he _loves_ them more than anyone else, I swear - and he said we were so good with them that he was going to let us ride them. Which was going to be _great_ because he never let James or Al ride them when they were at school and I was thinking about how I was going to rub their stupid faces in it. Then I just felt something here.”

She gestures towards her chest as she speaks, her gold watch clattering up and down her wrist.

“I just - I felt a pull,” she says, her voice softer now. “One that I couldn’t stop. Kind of like a Portkey, but stronger. I don’t know how to explain it. _Fuck_.”

During the time they have been talking, the sky has darkened steadily and fat snowflakes are now spiralling lazily down from above, catching on Lily’s hair and Severus’ cloak. Severus barely notices: he is a bit stuck on the idea of _Hagrid_ teaching Care of Magical Creatures.

“Look,” Severus finally says, when he has reached the point of wondering his toes are in danger of falling off. “It’s cold and the snow’s only going to get worse. Let’s get back up to the castle.”

“And where will I _go_?” Lily asks bleakly, huddling more deeply into Severus’ cloak. “I can’t exactly swan into the Great Hall when I’m from for- not around here.”

“Well, would you rather stay out here and freeze to death?” Severus asks waspishly, frustrated because he doesn’t have a solution to the issue. “Or maybe get mauled by one of the creatures in the forest?”

Lily gives him a sour look as she pushes herself to her feet, but she does into step beside him, still swamped in his cloak. The snow is so deep and it’s a struggle for both of them as they pick their way back up to the castle. 

“Maybe we could go to the library,” Severus says after a moment of silence, his breath ragged from the effort he is putting into crossing the grounds. “And look into what might have happened here. Find a solution to this issue.”

Lily doesn’t bother to respond.

 _Great,_ Severus thinks. _My dormitory it is._

The silence resumes as they skirt around the curve of the lake, feet slipping over the icy stones. Lily nearly falls but Severus seizes her arm to stop her from smashing her head open. She is quick to yank herself free.

They duck into the warmth of the Entrance Hall, dripping water all over the floor and shivering. Lily’s teeth are chattering with such force that it sounds like a pair of castanets. She has the sense to keep her head lowered so that a thick curtain of red hair hides her face, sticking closely to Severus’ side.

“Put the hood up,” Severus tells her as he leads her down to the dungeon wall that protects the Slytherin common room. “ _Veritaserum_.”

By some small miracle, the common room is empty. Everyone is still outside in the snow or in the Great Hall for dinner and this means that Severus can hustle Lily through the empty room, up the stairs and into his dormitory.

“I need a shower,” Lily announces as soon as they are inside and Severus is placing several charms on the door to alert them of anyone coming up the stairs.

He turns to see her throwing his cloak over the nearest chair and disentangling herself from her tie.

“And warm clothes,” she adds as an afterthought, leaning down to peel her socks off.

“Anything else, your majesty?” Severus asks irritably, heaving his trunk open and rummaging through for something she can wear. He doesn’t have many clothes and the ones he does have are old and worn. He decides that beggars can’t be choosers and digs out a jumper at random.

“A cup of tea would be nice,” Lily says, appearing right behind him. “And something to eat.”

She smells of flowers and sunlight and, this close to her, Severus can see a tiny glittering stud in her nose. Awkwardly, Severus thrusts the jumper at her, trying to ignore the fact she has unbuttoned her shirt and he can see a lot of green lace bra through the thin fabric.

“Aw,” Lily says, taking the dark grey jumper from him. “You’re _blushing_.”

He gets thirty minutes of blessed peace when Lily is ensconced in the bathroom, the heat of the shower on so high that steam floods out of the door she has left ajar. Severus can hear her humming to herself as he moves around, picking up the discarded items of clothing she has left scattered around and placing them on the radiator to dry. He even heads to the kitchen and begs sandwiches, eclairs and a flask of tea from the House Elves, hoping the food will make her sweeter.

Severus is drinking his tea and pretending to read when Lily emerges from the bathroom, pink-cheeked and wearing his jumper. It reveals an awful lot of leg but, having said that, it’s still slightly longer than her school skirt.

“Thanks,” Lily says, her eyes alighting on the food on the bed. “And for lending me clothes. Sorry if I was a bitch.”

Severus stares at her as she flops down onto the bed and peers at the nearest sandwich.

“Did you just apologise?” Severus asks incredulously. He already has the distinct impression that this is not something that happens often.

“That is something I can neither confirm nor deny,” Lily says, making a small noise of disgust at a chicken sandwich and opting for a cheese roll. “Don’t tell anyone, ‘cause I’ll deny it.”

Severus perches on the edge of the mattress and picks up the sandwich Lily had rejected.

“I’m not sure who you think I’d tell,” he points out. “It doesn’t seem that we have many mutual acquaintances.”

Lily makes a noise of agreement as she tucks her legs beneath her. Severus nibbles the crust of the sandwich, not because he’s hungry but because he needs something to do.

“Look,” Lily says suddenly, tearing her sandwich in half and scattering grated cheese over his bedcovers. “This is weird and crazy and I’m still not sure if it’s really happening. But I don’t- I don’t want to be _totally_ awful. I am mostly awful a very large amount of the time but still. I’ll stop being such a cow and we can, like, talk or something.”

She looks so earnest in this moment that the spiky, venomous words she was throwing about at him earlier could have come from a different person. Now, with all of her frustration and irritation melted away in the shower, she seems almost sincere.

“Okay,” Severus says slowly. “I’m not totally convinced that this isn’t a prank and this isn’t Potter and Black trying to make me look like a moron. But, despite my reservations, I’m sure you’re not completely terrible.”

Lily looks mildly affronted.

“I just don’t see why you don’t trust me,” she says. “I’m clearly completely trustworthy. Fuck it. Ask me questions and I’ll tell you about where I’m from. But not in too much detail, ‘cause I think I could seriously screw everything up if I tell you too much. At least that's what _Doctor Who_ says. And _Doctor Who_ is a Muggle television show. It's a classic. Would reccomend.”

Severus just looks at her for another long moment. She is just full of surprises.

“Tell me why you think you’re terrible,” he says, unable to decide what to ask and deciding to start easy.

“I grew up in the public eye and it gave me a _terrible_ complex,” she says but there is definite pride in her voice. “Me and my brothers. I’m the worst though. One of my professors said I was unteachable last week. But Professor Longbottom said that was unfair.”

“Not Professor Hagrid, I assume,” Severus says, recalling her earlier words about Hagrid and Hippogriffs. He is also now imaging Frank Longbottom, the patient and stupidly noble Gryffindor Head Boy, as a Professor. “I’d hate to be a teacher. Especially if I had to teach you.”

“You’d hate to be a teacher? Really?” she asks, her interest captured. “Why? Oh, and Hagrid would never say that. He loves me. So does Professor Longbottom. He knows I admire his penchant for knitted cardigans really.”

Cardigans? Longbottom?

Severus decides to ignore this titbit and instead takes the chance to explain why teenagers are terrible and why he has no intention of spending his time trying to share his wisdom with them. Lily actually looks impressed with how vehement he is.

“So what do you want to do when you leave school?” Lily asks him, now reaching for an eclair.

“I’d like to work in experimental potions,” Severus says after a moment, thinking of the pure contentment he feels when he has spent several hours hunched over a cauldron and away from other people. “Or to explore the Dark Arts further. There’s so little we understand about truly dark magic, you know. All of these ideas about defending ourselves from the Dark Arts means we’re not learning the truth behind the actual dark spells themselves. We don't know how they work and that makes us vulnerable. That could cost Dumbledore the war.”

Something very odd happens then. Lily opens her mouth to speak and then seems to choke on the words. She covers it up (poorly) by clearing her throat.

“So no teenagers,” Lily says airily, even though Severus is certain this is not what she was going to say. “Intriguing.”

“None,” Severus agrees. “What about you? How old are you anyway?”

“Fifteen,” Lily says. “I’m meant to be taking my O.W.Ls soon. Mum and Dad have had me revising since Easter but fuck me it’s long. I want to work with dragons like my Uncle Charlie. He took me out flying on a Welsh Green last summer, which was incredible, but he did make swear on my broom that I wouldn’t tell my parents. Said his life wouldn’t be worth living if Mum got hold of him.”

“That seems like a reasonable request,” Severus says, privately thinking that this girl has a death wish.

“Best thirty minutes of my life,” Lily says happily, leaning back against Severus’ pillows and licking chocolate from her fingers. “My parents will lose it when I tell them that I’m going to Romania as soon as I'm done with exams. They’re stupidly risk-averse considering the amount of shit they got into at school. Do you think your parents would prefer you to do potions or study the Dark Arts?”

Severus starts, caught off guard. He has never voiced his career plans to anyone before - never been asked to start with, as well as the fact he has always been so wary of sharing his ideas with anyone lest they mock him or condemn him further. He is momentarily bolstered by the fact that Lily hasn’t even batted an eyelid at his two options, but then again this is the girl who wants to ride dragons.

“They’re not interested in me,” Severus says, trying to sound unconcerned. “I just fend for myself. And stay out of the way of fists, spells or shoes.”

Now it’s Lily’s turn to look surprised. Severus can already see that she has loving parents - potentially _James Potter and Lily Evans,_ which is a sickening thought - who make her revise and care if she risks her neck. She has probably never felt worthless in her life.

“Wow,” Lily says, shaking her head and looking at him with something very close to pity. “I thought my Dad’s relatives were bad. They half starved him when he was little and locked him in a cupboard for being a wizard.”

So maybe not James Potter’s daughter. Severus knows very well that James has rich parents who think the world of their precious son. They are not the kind of people who would lock him up in a cupboard. A pity, really. 

“I can relate,” Severus says dryly.

Lily heaves a sigh, shaking her head as she bites into her second eclair.

“You know, me and Al and James were _awful_ to my Dad’s relatives when we met them,” Lily tells him contemplatively when she has swallowed a mouthful of cream and pastry. “Dad’s cousin Dudley invited us to his wedding, which I guess was a nice gesture and all but we spent the evening hexing his Aunt and Uncle. We made their cutlery dance and their wine jump out of their glasses. James managed to land a good one of Dad’s Uncle that made him unable to _speak,_ he could just grunt. Dad said he was angry but I like to think he found it therapeutic. It was amazing.”

The last sentence is delivered in a tone of reverence which displays exactly how proud she is of herself. The resemblance to James Potter and his knack for trouble is back and it’s uncanny.

“I take it back,” Severus mutters. “You are terrible.”

-:-

Severus heads to dinner in the Great Hall, tucking chicken and bread into his bag to convey back to Lily. She has insisted she is happy to exist off eclairs and cake from the kitchens, but Severus feels like he should try and give her something with more nutritious value. He’s also not sure he wants to be around her when she has a sugar crash.

Potter and Black don’t spare him a second glance when he enters the hall, sliding over to the Slytherin table. They are both in high spirits, winding Frank Longbottom and Alice Hendricks up about the fact they were caught kissing in a broom cupboard. If anything, Potter and Black’s lack of interest in him goes towards proving that Lily, who he has left sprawled in his bed, is not some joke they have set up.

Severus’ gaze lingers on Potter’s infernal nose for longer than he cares to admit and he finds himself giving Frank an apprising look. Would he, years in the future, wear a cardigan and spend his days teaching? Severus can’t imagine it.

Towards the end of his meal, Severus catches Dumbledore watching him closely over the rim of his golden goblet, his blue eyes unusually severe. He is studying Severus like Severus is a difficult puzzle that Dumbledore is trying to solve. It’s like he has some freaky sixth sense and knows that something isn’t right - and that Severus is caught up in it.

Still pointedly avoiding making eye contact with anyone, Severus slips from the Great Hall before anyone else has left their seats. He doesn’t think any of the boys will be disappointed to find a girl in their dormitory - they’d probably think Christmas had come early and be utterly disgusting to Lily - but he would rather not deal with yet another issue.

“There you are,” Lily all but shrieks, bouncing up on the mattress when Severus re-enters the dorm room. “I’ve had an epiphany. One which has helped me develop a theory.”

Severus raises an eyebrow at her, pulling the napkin-wrapped chicken from his bag and handing it to her.

“Don’t give me that look,” Lily tells him, ignoring the food he is offering. “Listen. So, I know a little bit about Time Turners. They’re really rare in my time. Yes, I know they aren’t common here, but the entire stock at the Ministry was destroyed by - well, they were destroyed. So there’s been a big push to create more.”

“You can’t know that. That kind of information won’t be public knowledge,” Severus points out.

Lily shakes her head.

“It’s not, but it’s who you know,” she says with a careless shrug. “My family are all pretty high up in the Ministry so I pick stuff up. Anyway, time is one of the most risky things you can fiddle around with. It’s up there with memory because one wrong move and you can seriously fuck something up.”

Severus sits down on the bed again, toeing his shoes off. She could have a point: time is a banned topic at Hogwarts. They are not allowed to experiment with it and even the teachers know little about it. The Ministry guards its secrets to do with time ferociously and probably with good reason. One rogue wizard and the entire history of the wizarding world could be rewritten.

“I see,” he says slowly.

“So, whichever way, my theory is someone was faffing around at the Ministry and something happened,” Lily finishes. “It’s easy to do something wrong if you’re not paying attention or you’re just incompetent. One of my Uncles told me about how dangerous time can be to work with - you can make one wrong move and not know the consequences or who you’ve affected or anything.”

Apparently Lily sees that he is struggling to follow her logic because she shakes her head impatiently.

“Don’t you see?” she asks. “This could explain how I’ve ended up forty years from where I should be.”

“I don’t know,” Severus says, constructing steeples out of his fingers. “It seems quite far fetched. Besides, if that’s the case, how do you get back?”

Lily pouts at him.

“Do you want me gone?” she asks plaintively.

“Of course you choose that to latch onto,” Severus says, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know how I feel about hiding you in my dormitory for the rest of the year. Anyway, won’t your parents miss you?”

Lily shrugs. She doesn’t seem too concerned about it all, especially considering she is the one who has been wrenched out of her comfortable existence. Severus wishes he could hurtle through life with as few worries and concerns as her; she seems to just let problems roll off her, like water on a duck’s back.

“You- well, I don’t know anything about time and time turners,” Severus says wearily. “It’s not something we're allowed to study, so it sounds like you know more than me. But if you’re right there is nothing _we_ can do about it. We should go to Dumbledore.”

Lily’s teeth worry her lower lip as she glances around the dormitory, gaze raking over the four other beds and the general mess that comes from living with other boys.

“No. I’ll stay here with you,” she says decisively . “I think the less people who know about me the better.”

“Is that really what you think?” Severus asks, not bothering to disguise his scepticism. “My impression of you so far is that you don’t normally favour the rational approach, but not going to one of the greatest wizards of the age with a life-altering problem seems illogical.”

Lily beams at him. Considering she had spent the first two hours of her time with him scowling or snapping at him, this is is significant transformation.

“You know me so well,” she says, clapping her hands together. “So it’s settled. I’ll stay here with you until we work something out. We can bond. You can tell me all about yourself. And Lucius Malfoy. I want to know is he was still a cunt when he was at school.”

-:-

All things considered, the evening passes in relative peace. Lily flips through one of his books (“If Professor Greaves could see me now, she’d have a coronary. She didn’t think I could read in first year!”) whilst Severus finishes his essay on werewolves. The latter sparks his feelings of bitterness and resentment towards Potter and Black so, when he has left the parchment to dry on his bed, he warns Lily to stay hidden behind the curtains of the four-poster and slams off to shower.

There is an uncomfortable moment when Severus, post-shower, climbs onto the four poster bed beside her, drawing the emerald curtains tightly shut around them. It’s getting late: he knows the other boys will be coming up from the common room soon. 

Neither of them speak asSeverus casts several spells to keep others out, as well as the trusty _muffliato_ to hide their voices and anything they might say. Lily watches him, pulling her knees up towards her and hugging them to her chest. Her elbow protrudes from the hole in the jumper that Severus acquired when experimenting with how to brew a Polyjuice Potion. She looks younger here, her makeup removed and her hair pulled into a messy braid.

“Thanks for sharing your bed,” she finally says as Severus settles down at the opposite end of the bed, hauling the thick covers over his lap. “I’ll try not to break your nose in the night.”

“That’s generous of you,” Severus says sarcastically.

“Glad you appreciate it,” she says so sweetly that Severus knows he should not trust her. “Only my brother James will share a bed with me and that’s ‘cause he sleeps more violently than I do.” 

“I’m not sure I want to share a bed with you anymore,” Severus says, eyeing her warily. He can imagine all too well that she could inflict some serious damage.

“It’s me who should be worried,” Lily says heavily, now twisting the end her braid around her finger. “I mean, will you leave in the morning with your honour intact? Who knows.”

Severus makes a choking sound and feels blood rush to his pallid cheeks. She’s so _obnoxious_ and in moments like this he can believe that she is related to James Potter. But, if possible, she’s more outrageous.

Lily’s eyes are full of laughter when he looks at her, her lips curled up into a smirk.

“If you’re not careful I’ll kick you out and you to share a bed with Crabbe or Goyle,” Severus tells her as cooly as he can. “See if you manage to escape from their meaty paws unscathed.”

“Ew,” Lily says, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “I’m very choosy, Snape. Besides, it's them who might not escape me.”

“That I can believe,” Severus mutters, flopping down onto his pillow and turning so that he is starting at the thick green hangings.

There is a moment of quiet, save the rustling of sheets as Lily fidgets around. Severus can feel the mattress dip and shift beneath her and the warmth radiating from her body. Considering he has never had anyone in his bed before, the whole thing feels strangely intimate - even if he is slightly concerned that his bedfellow claims to be from the future and apparently spends the majority of her time deep in trouble.

“Do you want to play a game?” she asks lightly, still sounding very awake. He can feel her jiggling her leg, apparently unable to sit still.

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” Lily tells him, moving closer and digging her toes into the small of his back. “It’ll be fun. We could do _never have I ever_ if you have some Firewhiskey. Ooh, or some lemon drizzle gin.”

“Lemon drizzle gin sounds repulsive,” Severus mutters, reluctantly turning so that he can see her once more. Her face is in shadow but her teeth gleam. She looks like a cat who has got the cream. “And I have no interest in playing drinking games. It’s a Wednesday night.”

Lily rolls her eyes at him.

“Boring,” she says. “You’ve got, like, a year before you need to knuckle down. And it’s fun - we can get to know each other. You know you want to.”

Severus pauses, thinking.

This could be a chance to learn more about her and her family, something he does want to know. It might be dangerous and he probably shouldn’t have such knowledge of the future, but he’s interested and he has always let his curiosity get the better of him, ever since he was small.

So he sits back up, propping his back against the base of the bed whilst holding the quilt firmly in place over his lap. He doesn’t need another beautiful girl sneering at the state of his underwear.

Lily’s grin is wicked, full of schemes and sin.

“Firewhiskey?” she asks hopefully.Severus shakes his head. He has never really had a taste for it or the way it burns a path down his oesophagus, but the main reason is it costs ten galleons a bottle.

“Don’t worry,” Lily says, throwing the covers back to reveal those incredibly long legs and painted toenails. “I know Slytherin minds. There will be some in here somewhere.”

She rolls off the bed before Severus can even hiss a warning at her. Her footsteps are light as she pads around the room, Severus frozen in his position as he waits for someone to crash in and find her there. What would the other boys do if they found her rifling through their trunks?

There is a heavy clunking sound to his left - how has she got through the anti-intruder jinxes? Severus shakes his head, incredulous. This girl is something else.

Severus’ heart remains in his mouth until she re-enters the safety of the bed, throwing herself back down onto the mattress with one bottle of Elvish red clutched to her chest and a thin bottle of acid green liquid tucked under her arm.

“See?” she crows, placing the bottles between them and giving him a look of pure triumph, as though she has rescued her spoils from a dragon and not stolen them from some unsuspecting sixth year's trunk. “I’ll top them up with water tomorrow. Slytherin cunning.”

“You are an actual demon,” Severus tells her as she crawls back into bed, still looking ridiculously smug. “I don’t care that you’re from the future. I’ll tell Nott that you nicked his wine if he asks me. I’m not risking my face.”

Lily ignores him, using her wand to lever the cork out of the wine. She pauses, thinking, and then mutters “lumos” so that light erupts from the wandtip.

“I’ll go first,” she tells him, arranging herself so that she is sitting cross-legged against the headboard and tossing her wand carelessly between them. “If you _have_ done what I say, you have to drink. But there are no cups so we can pass the bottle. Normally you say things to make the other person uncomfortable.”

Severus shakes his head, but he does concede defeat and wave a hand that indicates she should start speaking. The wand makes the shadows longer and Severus feels as though they have sealed themselves off from the rest of the world. No, it feels like they have moved to _another_ world, miles away from the Slytherin dormitory. 

“Never have I ever,” Lily begins, with that dangerous gleam back in her eye. “Had sex in _this_ bed.”

And then, still holding his gaze, Lily lifts the bottle to her lips and drinks. Severus watches the pale column on her throat move as she swallows. She offers it to him afterwards but he shakes his head.

“ _Interesting_ ,” Lily says, still cradling the bottle in her hands. “Do you want to hear about it?”

“Not particularly,” Severus says, looking at the raised silvery scar at the base of her thumb rather than her evil grin. “But I feel like you’re going to tell me anyway.”

“It’s in the spirit of the game,” Lily tells him, shoving the bottle into his hand. “I know it isn’t how the game works, but here. Drink some. It’ll loosen you up.”

Obediently, mainly because he will do anything to make Lily less likely him to give him a headache, Severus raises the bottle to his lips. The wine is rich and clearly expensive; it has a full-bodied, luxurious taste and, when Lily urges him on, Severus takes three gulps.

“So,” Lily says, almost bouncing with excitement. “I love this story. Right - picture this. It’s the start of fourth year and-“

“ _Fourth year_?” Severus demands, incredulous and horrified at once. “But that’s so _young_ and-“

Lily waves a hand as though this simple gesture will dispel Severus’ concerns. The gold watch clatters again.

“Chill, Granddad. It was the next logical step,” she explains patiently, even though Severus thinks they have very different ideas about logic. “But the issue is you need someone - Merlin, how do I say this? Someone who has credit and standing in the school so it's not _lame_ , but also someone who won’t be a prick if you get blood on their bedsheets. Which, for the record, I totally did.”

Severus knows he is looking at her with a mixture of fascination, horror and curiosity. He has never met anyone who speaks so openly and candidly about anything and Lily is clearly getting into the swing of it. Her eyes are bright and she is gesticulating wildly as she talks.

“So, to cut a long story short, one of my Dad’s best friends is a Professor at school and he has this son called Ethan - we've known him for our entire lives. He's in Slytherin too, but in third year he started training _hard_ and is absolutely ripped," Lily continues. 

“This is _not_ cutting a long story short,” Severus mutters, lifting the wine to his lips once more.

“I’m getting there,” Lily tells him, motioning for him to pass the bottle back. “Now, I basically sold it to him at the party we threw him in Slytherin on the first night back that we’d known each other our entire lives, we were both suitably attractive _and_ interesting and I couldn’t stay a virgin forever. So we left the party, came up to this very dormitory and he _deflowered_ _me_.”

“There was so much in there that I didn’t actually want to know,” Severus says, still looking at her in disbelief. “Also - deflowered?”

“Would you prefer it if I expressed it in a more carnal way?” Lily offers, looking excited at the prospect. She is, undoubtedly, thinking of exactly how she can horrify him further.

Severus sneers. Lily shrugs in a ‘well, I tried’ way.

“Never have I ever,” Severus says before Lily can jump in with anything else. “Nearly been killed by a werewolf.”

Lily looks put out when he drinks but she, having apparently never been close enough to a dangerous, uncontrollable beast at the full moon, cannot.

“Tell me about it,” she all but begs and Severus, warmed by the wine flooding his veins, obliges.

He might spend a little too long setting the scene by describing the feud with Potter and Black and then he might dramatise how close he actually got to the werewolf and its claws, but Lily listens, rapt, the whole time he talks.

“Wow,” she says when he has finished, eyes wide and her chin resting on her hand. “That’s so c-“

“Terrifying,” Severus interrupts, shuddering involuntarily at the memory. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone that story.”

“Why?” Lily asks, tipping her head to the side. “You could seriously impress the women there, Snape. Snape the survivor of savage creatues.”

“Dumbledore made me promise,” Severus says sullenly. “To protect the identity of the werewolf. Plus the fact that James Potter pulled me back means I owe _him_ and I don’t want that to be known by everyone at school.”

Lily considers him for a minute, taking another swig of wine. They have, very quickly, emptied half of the bottle. Severus feels loose, as though he isn’t quite in control of his limbs, and words are coming more easily than ever, bubbling up inside of him and spilling out before he can think about it. 

“It was a dick move,” Lily finally says, picking at the bottle’s label with her thumb nail. “I can see how it might seem funny when you think of it, but all in all it's not very Gryffindor. And it certainly lacks the Slytherin finesse.”

“Do you know much about Gryffindors?” Severus asks, genuinely interested. “You told me earlier that if I cut you, you would bleed green.”

Lily giggles, the sound light and carefree. She seems to never have any issue with finding something to laugh at - although Severus does have a feeling this might, more often than not, be at the expense of other people.

“My brothers are both Gryffindor,” Lily says and Severus doesn’t miss the ghost of something that looks suspiciously like annoyance in her eyes. “Al, in particular, gave me a rough time when I was Sorted.”

“Why?” Severus asks, leaning forward without really thinking about it. She has hooked him in fully now, desperate to hear about her life in the future. “Are relationships between Slytherin and Gryffindor worse?”

For a moment, Lily seems to be thinking deeply.

“No,” she says slowly, reaching over to unscrew the top of the other bottle. “They’re better in some ways, but there’s still a lot of prejudice towards Slytherin and some parents are still strongly biased, whether they think they are or not.”

She takes a sip of the green liquid, grimacing slightly before handing the bottle off to him. Severus mirrors her, expecting it to burn but instead finding it tastes faintly of aniseed.

“My brother had all these jumped up ideas ‘cause both of our parents were in Gryffindor,” Lily rattles on. “Dad told Al, who obviously got super anxious about the Sorting ‘cause he’s a massive baby, that the Sorting Hat lets you choose _._ So, when I was sorted into Slytherin, Al spent the first three weeks following me around and harassing me about it. Then I cursed him in the Great Hall and he didn’t talk to me for six months and it was wonderful _._ ”

“What made him to talk to you again?” Severus asks when she shows no sign of continuing.

“I think Dad sat him down and told him how sad I was,” Lily says. “Which was total bullshit, but Dad is all about family unity. And Al hates disappointing Dad. He started talking to me more, but he really had to drop the whole 'Slytherins are evil' shit when he shagged one of the Slytherin girls in the year above me. He couldn’t very well be so anti-Slytherin when the whole school knew where he’d been dipping it. Although I did have three weeks of fun when I told him Olive had syphillis and he totally lost his mind.”

“What is it like in your head?” Severus asks, finding himself in that familiar situation of not knowing what to say to this girl.

“What about you?” Lily asks, ignoring his question. She thrusts the bottle back into Severus’ hand. “Girls? Boys? Werewolves?”

Maybe it’s the alcohol that has freed his tongue, but Severus doesn’t hesitate when he answers her.

“I don’t do relationships,” Severus says, as though he doesn’t care. “I’ve only ever had one best friend.”

Lily looks appraisingly at him and, before Severus can stop himself, he finds himself babbling away, the whole story about how he had met Lily Evans coming out.

“You only need one friend,” Lily says carefully. “I mean, I have lots of other friends and they’re great - we’re absolute twats together. But Bea is the person I can say absolutely anything to with no judgements. She helps me make all my worst decisions. We put our first tampons in together _and_ her brother was my first blow job. She only complained for, like, half an hour.”

“Gross,” Severus says flatly. “Do you have no filter?”

“No,” Lily replies, equally blunt.

“It doesn’t matter,” Severus says heavily, taking another hearty slug of green liquid. “She won’t talk to me anymore.”

Then out comes the story at the lake, the humiliation and the months of hurt that followed. A small frown appears on Lily’s face as she listens and, at one point, she moves her hand as though she is going to pat his arm but thinks better of it.

“Merlin fuck,” she says when he has finished. “That’s awful. I’d completely destroy someone socially and leave them friendless, but I’d use my words and wit. I don’t think I see the appeal in stripping someone naked. I think it suggests a lack of cunning. I had no idea that -" 

She pauses, clearly grappling with something. 

"-people could be such pricks." 

“We provoke each other all the time,” Severus says darkly, choosing not to comment on the difficulty she seemed to have when choosing her words. “Potter has had it in for me for years. We hate each other so it just carries on. And now Lily is on his side.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily says, reaching over and actually patting his thigh. “I - I didn’t realise that G - that James and Lily were like this. Also, your underpants didn’t look that bad when you got into bed.”

Severus gives her a look that might curdle milk. Lily’s infuriating response is to wink at him.

“Besides, I can teach you a freshening charm,” she carries on. “I have his gorgeous white eyelet dress that I adore, but you would not believe the amount of times it’s gone grey in the wash. I can spruce it up and get it white again in minutes now.”

"What a skill," Severus drawls, but he has to admit it would be a good spell to have. "Do you think you'll tell you best friend - was it Bea? About this, I mean?" 

Lily is sitting very close to him now, her bare leg pressed against his. She is nursing the green liquid in the bottle whilst Severus makes his way steadily through the wine, his head getting lighter and his thoughts harder to pin down.

“I don’t feel like I should,” Lily says, now frowning again like she isn’t used to such a thought. “I- I dunno. It’s weird, even for Hogwarts. Plus, what if I, like, destabilise the timeline or something? What if I fade away and cease to exist?”

Severus shakes his head, as though this will make his thoughts flow more smoothly.

“Seriously,” he says, slurring slightly, “I would love to study your brain and see what goes on in there.”

“Stick to potions,” Lily advises, stretching her ams above her head so that her shoulders pop. “Have you ever been drunk before?”

“Not all of us came out the womb with wine in hand,” Severus informs her as icily as he can manage, even though every movement makes the contents of his stomach slosh.

“Ooh,” Lily coos, clearly absolutely delighted. “I’m your first. I’ll take your virginity next.”

“Keep dreaming,” Severus tells her. “And no, I don’t want to know what you dream about.”

Lily pouts. Severus hiccups.

“Are you okay?” she asks, leaning in close. She has red wine at the corners of her lips. “You look kind of green.”

-:-

Lily keeps her promise and refills the nearly empty bottles with a quick spell and puts them back where she found them.

When Severus wakes up, she has not only showered and put on her uniform but has even been to the kitchens for croissants and hot chocolate, which she wafts under his nose at eleven the next morning. Severus has missed Charms, half of Arithmancy and has never felt worse.

“You did have a lot of the absinthe,” Lily says sagely looking annoying cheerful considering she was the person who put him up to drinking his dorm mate’s alcohol. “You’d feel better if you were sick last night.”

“I’d feel better if you hadn’t spent all night kicking me,” Severus says into his pillow.

Lily peels back his covers and puts her face so close to his that her lashes tickle his cheek.

"You smell like a pub floor," she announces, her breath hot on his skin. 

“You are incredibly annoying,” Severus mutters.

“C’mon,” Lily says, now jostling him in a way that is not helping his nausea. “I know what you need. I remember my first hangover. You need to get up, shower and then we can go and get food. _Bacon._ ”

“You brought croissants,” Severus points out, his eyes still tightly shut.

“But you took too long so I ate yours,” Lily tells him. “Come _on_.”

Lily cajoles, bullies and threatens him into the bathroom. She even says that she is going to come and watch him shower, lest he slip down and collapse in a heap on the floor, but Severus manages to give her a look so withering that she backs off and leaves him to shower alone. 

The hot water is rejuvenating. Severus turns the heat on full and the pressure on high so that he feels like he is standing beneath a spray of blunt needles. It cascades over him, each passing minute making him feel less like a shell and more like a person. In fact, when he shuffles into the dorm fifteen minutes later, the fact that Lily is lounging on his bed and reading the notes in his Advanced Potions book doesn’t make him as angry as it would have done earlier.

“Don’t look,” Severus warns her, rooting in his trunk for clean robes.

“This potions book is much more interesting than some skinny naked boy,” Lily says, seemingly engrossed in his notes. “Your handwriting is abysmal, by the way.”

“Don’t stop complimenting me now,” Severus says sarcastically, stuffing his legs into his trousers with such haste that he nearly trips himself up.

Lily peppers him with questions about the different spells he has scrawled in the margins as he dresses and then all the way down the dungeon corridor.

“Why are you so interested?” Severus asks, following her up the staircase and desperately praying that they don’t bump into any teachers or - worse - Peeves.

“It’s magic that I’ve never been taught,” Lily says as she approaches a statue of a one-eyed witch that Severus has never paid attention to before. “It’s interesting.”

“What are you doing?” Severus asks as Lily stops in front of the statue, pulling her wand out of her skirt with a flourish.

"Taking you to Hogsmeade," Lily announces before rapping the witch with her wand. "Dissendium." 

Severus knows he must look completely lost as a hatch opens up and Lily hoists herself up to swing her legs into the gap.

“Come on,” she urges him. “We need a Three Broomsticks breakfast. I'll pay.”

Lily's idea of 'paying' is less to do with money and more to do with a well-placed Confundus charm on the boy who brings their food over. Severus, who until Lily crashed into his life, had never been drunk, never skipped a class and never snuck outof school, cannot even find the energy to be horrified. This girl is pure chaos poured into the body of a fifteen year old.

Surprisingly, Severus clears his plate. Lily takes a swig of her coffee and pushes half her beans, one of her sausages and a piece of her toast over to him.

“You look like you could use a decent meal,” she says when he shoots her a questioning look. “You’re almost as skinny my cousin Dominique, and we all know she has some serious issues around food.”

“Charming,” Severus says but he still scarfs down the food as though he hasn’t eaten for months. “You’re a horrible influence.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m here,” Lily says, using her wand to summon a packet of sugar from the adjacent table. “I need to corrupt you and teach you the ways of the world.”

“Don’t worry,” Severus tells her darkly. “There are several young men in Slytherin who would happily do that.”

“Kinky.”

Severus glares at her.

“Not what I meant.”

“Go on,” Lily leans back in her chair, swinging on the legs. Severus longs to tell her she'll fall and crack her head open. “Elaborate.”

Severus dips his toast in his egg yolk. It might be stupid, but then again he did already spill some pretty big secrets last night. Anyway, if she really is from the future, she isn’t going to be passing anything on to Malfoy anytime soon.

“Have you heard of the Death Eaters or the Dark Lord?” Severus asks, lowering his voice so that no one can hear him.

Lily opens her mouth. She obviously doesn't want to say too much to him so she finally nods, sitting properly in her chair now and leaning her elbows on the table as she listens. Severus has her full attention.

“Their power and influence is growing,” Severus says carefully. “Significantly. Especially in Slytherin. Everyone assumes that we are inherently evil and all that does is ostracise us and make the Dark Lord seem more appealing. His ideas are… well, they seem preferable to the way we currently get treated.”

Lily nods. 

“You’re thinking of joining?” she asks.

Severus half expects her to condemn him, almost like Lily Evans would have done, but this Lily seems to be concerned with hearing his side of it.

“It’s hard to say no,” he tells her heavily. “Lucius is insistent and I don’t have any other friends. I told you what happened with Lily. She got angry that I was hanging around with the Death Eater crowd so much.”

“They must value your skills,” Lily says quietly, her words oddly reminiscent of Severus' thoughts the day before. “I mean, your brewing skills and your spell work is mental. In a good way.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you have ever said to me,” Severus says, focusing his attention on shredding his napkin into strips.

“Don’t get used to it.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, but this time the quiet is companionable. Lily had chosen a table tucked into the corner and shifted a large plant in front of them, obscuring them from view. Outside of the window, the snow has started to fall again. The street outside has been transformed into what could be a scene from a snow globe. It feels as though they are tucked away inside a bubble, away from the realities of the world and the danger that lurks. 

“In all seriousness,” Lily finally says, meeting his gaze again. “You need to make the choice that’s best for you. I can’t really say anything else ‘cause I am worried about fading away into nothingness if I influence your decisions, but I think you have to do what you think is right and what makes your life bearable. Also, just for the record, no one ever comes to me for advice as I’m the queen of bad decisions, so follow this at your own risk.”

Severus considers her words, mulling them over as he stirs his tea. Even though he knows she is so different to Lily Evans it is strange to hear someone so similar in appearance say something so different. 

“You have an interesting perspective,” he finally says. “But what if I make the wrong choice?”

“What might be the wrong choice might actually be the right one,” Lily says cryptically. “Wow, that sounds shit. It would only sound worse if I said I had read it in your tea leaves.”

A laugh erupts from Severus before he can stop it.

“Fuck,” Lily says, suddenly delighted. “I’ve never seen you look so happy.”

-:-

Severus point-blank refuses to skive off Defence Against the Dark Arts, telling Lily that she has damaged his education enough considering he has spent less than twenty-four hours with her. She pouts and complains but finally acquiesces, perching on the end of his bed and watching him get ready for class.

“I’ll be back in an hour and a half,” Severus tells her, cramming his textbook, parchment and quills into his bag.

“No-one needs that much parchment,” Lily says, ignoring him as usual. “What are you planning on writing? A follow up to _Great Expectations_?”

“Great what?”

“Never mind, you uncultured yob,” Lily sighs, watching him as he heaves the strap over his shoulder. “Have fun being a nerd. Don’t get in any fights or do anything I wouldn’t.”

Severus sneers at her.

“I highly doubt there is anything you wouldn’t do,” he says as he heads towards the door.

Her giggle follows him down the stairs.

He soon realises, however, that attending class was pointless. He doesn’t follow half of what is said and instead spends his time staring out at the frosty grounds and tapping the nib of his quill against his pot of ink.

Lily had said to make the best decision for him, but how would he know what that was? Being associated with the Death Eaters had lost him the friendship of Lily Evans, but then again maybe if it wasn't this it would have been something else. He could refuse to join the Death Eaters though. He could surprise everyone by proving that he wasn’t a dark wizard. Even though that would probably get him killed. 

Severus grinds his teeth in frustration, completely oblivious to Professor Hargreaves discussing vampires at the front of the room. Joining the Death Eaters had made sense until today. Severus knows there is little to no place in society for someone like him. At least, in the Dark Lord’s circle, he had thought that there would be people who could understand him.

Anyway, somehow he doesn't think that Lily, despite her devil-may-care attitude would be thrilled if he joined the Death Eaters. She seems so carefree and unprejudiced - almost childlike in the way she sees the world. Reckless she may be, but Severus doesn't think her intentions are bad. 

Towards the end of the lesson, it dawns on Severus that what he really wants to do is go back to his dorm and to return to his earlier conversation with Lily. She might talk in roundabouts and tell him horrifying stories, but being with her has made him feel more _normal_ and at least he knows that she won't be disgusted with him for what he says. 

As soon as the bell rings, Severus slips out of the classroom. He hurries down the corridor to the dungeon, his bag hastily packed and his panting breath so loud it echoes off the walls.

Taking the steps two at a time, he bursts into the dormitory with her name on his lips.

“Lily-“

The room is empty.

Severus’ copy of Advanced Potion Making lies open on the bed, several pages recently dog-eared and there is a lukewarm coffee on the bedside table with a lipstick stain on the rim. But Lily herself has gone, almost as though she was never there to begin with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Chapter 2 to follow soon...


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter would be shorter ... but it's not. Oh well!! I hope you enjoy!

**absolution for my sins  
** _and i told you to be patient / and i told you to be fine  
_ _and i told you to be balanced / and i told you to be kind_

(ii)

Time trickles by.

The weeks blur into months: Severus watches the snow melt away, allowing the delicate buds that mark the beginning of spring to emerge. Greenery returns to the grounds, along with delicate, pearly snowdrops, blue skies and longer days. Despite this, Severus’ life feels darker than ever.

After Christmas - a miserable ordeal, as anticipated, spent moping around the castle and reading his way through every book in the library that mentions _time -_ the Death Eater invites become more and more persistent. Lucius’ owls come thick and fast, each more excited than the last about the situation developing outside of the castle.

Severus re-reads the letters at night when sleep eludes him. All of them are written in Lucius’ elaborate, curling hand on thick, expensive parchment that Severus suspects will cost more than half of his worldly possessions: _I can’t say too much in writing, but we are all so excited for what your talent can bring…_

Alone and conflicted, Severus stews.

Admittedly, he can’t align himself with the ideology of the Dark Lord. A better world for Slytherins, who have been long persecuted - fantastic. But the Muggle Baiting… Not to mention, the stories of these attacks are getting worse, splashed across the papers each day for the horrified consumption of the British public.

On bad days, however, Severus remembers his angry, swearing father, hurling cruelties and abuse with his face screwed up in hate. He thinks of the agonising pain that accompanied his father’s kicks, his belt or his fists. Once, on a particularly bad day, a broken bottle, which Tobias slashed violently down Severus’ side, slicing open the skin. On these days, Severus thinks that he is more than capable of joining the Death Eaters and willing to take his revenge against the world that dealt him such a miserable hand in life.

But, inevitably, his bitter rage leaves him and he thinks of other Muggle Borns he knows, or or the Muggle nurse at the hospital who was so gentle as she picked shards of glass bottle out of his wound with tweezers. He thinks of Lily Evans, pre-Hogwarts, sitting beside him at the duck pond and hanging off his every word. Of Lily Potter - _his_ Lily, he has come to think of her - and the strange, tumultuous future she comes from, one that is devoid of the Dark Lord and where Lily and other children can be as reckless and free as they desire. A better world.

The deal, however, is sealed when there is a vicious spate of attacks in early January. A group of sixth years flat out refuse Lucius’ flowery invitations, replying to his letters with blunt rejections and bold condemnations of the Dark Lord and everything he stands for.

It’s nasty and it’s bloody: four Slytherins end up in the Hospital Wing for weeks, Madame Pomfrey working overtime to patch them up, and the rumours spread like wildfire.

The message is clear anyway. Rubbing the Death Eaters up the wrong way is a stupid move and it will cost lives.

Severus knows it’s not brave but, then again, he has never felt particularly courageous. On the very evening that those students are being sewn back together, Severus writes a short letter where he thanks Lucius and accepts his invitation to join the Death Eaters.

Meanwhile, in spite of the Death Eater drama bubbling away in the background, Lily plays on his mind and haunts his dreams.

The first night after she had vanished, presumably yanked back into her own time, Severus had found her tie beneath his pillow, neatly coiled and easily identifiable by the name tag stitched along the seam. This must have been the work of her mother - Severus is sure, based on what he knows about her, that there is no way Lily would have invested time in labelling her clothes. Every so often, he retrieves the tie from the bottom of his trunk and winds the silky fabric between his fingers, smooths his thumb over the embroidered letters of her name. It reminds him that she was there, real and solid, and he has tangible proof of it.

Sometimes, usually in the early hours of the morning, he wonders if Lily thinks of him as often as he thinks of her.

April arrives, marked by brilliant yellow daffodils erupting in riotous colour all over the grounds and Potter decimating Slytherin by scoring seventeen goals in the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match.

It is around this point that Severus slowly starts to give up hope of seeing Lily again. All of his reading has been in vain; he has yielded no useful information on time or time travel, bar dire warnings towards anyone who is foolish enough to experiment with it. The entire encounter seems like it was just a fluke, just another inexplicable magical occurrence.

Needless to say, this doesn’t lighten Severus’ mood.

-:-

“Oi, Snape,” Goyle calls, striding across the common room one Friday evening.

Severus represses the urge to groan. Goyle drops heavily into the seat beside Severus, who has spent the last hour organising his Herbology notes by order of plant property.

“What?” Severus asks more sharply than he intended, shuffling the detailed diagram of Gillyweed further back so that it is with his other notes about water plants.

“Lucius is organising a meeting at Easter,” Goyle tells him, stuffing a large piece of chocolate into his mouth. “You coming?”

Severus’ dark eyes snap to Goyle’s pasty face before darting around the common room. Even though he knows the Slytherin common room is a safe place to talk, where people _know_ what happens if you step out of line and betray your housemates - he is still wary of people knowing the intimacies of his life.

No-one else is listening - or even remotely interested. Some of the fifth year girls are sharing a bottle of wine and doing a terrible job of hiding how tipsy they are, whilst some of the boys are eating sweets and playing a complicated game involving a cauldron, a broomstick and a lot of beer.

“No,” Severus says, looking back down at his class notes. “I’m staying at school over Easter, so I can’t go. Lucius has promised to fill me in.”

“Shame,” Goyle says thickly, cramming a second hunk of chocolate into his already full mouth. “It should be a fun night. It’ll be great in the summer when you can come with us and meet everyone properly.”

Severus makes a noise of agreement, somewhat surprised at Goyle’s interest in him and his attendance. It’s not like they’re _friends,_ or even like Severus’ presence, as a new member of the group, will make that much of a difference to a meeting. 

Goyle continues to eat, even offering Severus some of his chocolate. Although Goyle doesn’t seem to mind the lack of conversation, Severus cannot shake the distinct feeling of discomfort, heavy in his stomach. He doesn’t volunteer anything else until, ten minutes later, he makes a lame excuse to leave and hurries in the direction of the library, his notes tucked under his arm just to get away. The library on a Friday night again - oh, the very peak of his social life.

As he emerges from the dungeon corridor, his mind has already wandered and he is wondering if he could use his note from Professor Slughorn to use the Restricted Section. Eyes down as he hurries across the Entrance Hall, he is oblivious to anything else. This is why he is taken completely by surprise when someone grabs him from behind, yanking him bodily behind a suit of armour.

Severus chokes as the fabric sharply cuts off his air supply, gasping for breath as his notes flutter to the ground. His wand is tucked inside his robes, uselessly out of reach, and Severus doesn’t like his odds in a fist fight - but he is damn sure he is going to try and knock this bastard flat on their back.

Grunting, Severus slams his elbow backwards, driving it forcefully into his attacker. He hears them gasp and they consequently loosen their grip on him, something which Severus takes advantage of. Spinning around sharply to face them, Severus seizes the fronts of their robes.

“Fuck _me_ ,” Lily Potter gasps, clutching her abdomen with both hands. “You nearly ended up wearing my breakfast, Snape.”

Severus is rendered speechless - apparently, a frustrating and seemingly common side effect whenever he finds himself confronted by Lily. She is still scowling at him, rubbing her stomach, but she is, undoubtedly, the same as she had been all those months ago.

“I mean it, you _prick_ ,” she says, still breathless. “I think you’ve impaired my ability to have children.”

“Unlikely,” Severus drawls, finding his voice. He releases Lily and reaches up to readjust his own robes, which are still cutting into his neck from Lily’s attack. “Unless your uterus is somewhere it shouldn’t be.”

Lily blinks at him, dumbfounded, for a fraction of a second, before she breaks down in hysterical laughter. She claps a hand over her mouth, but the attempt to muffle the sound is futile.

“You said _uterus._ ” 

Severus stares at her in disbelief. Part of him - an irrational part - wants to stretch out his hand and prod her, to make sure she is actually in front of him, but the fact he still aches from her ambush is an answer enough. 

“Uterus,” Lily chokes out again and he loses her to her mirth for a good three minutes.

Once she has calmed down, her cheeks flushed, she helps Severus pick up his Herbology notes. This task presents a minor struggle for Lily due to the extremely long, neon pink plastic nails stuck on the ends of her fingers. She crumples most of the pieces of parchment she picks up as the grapples to get a grip on them, but Severus can’t bring himself to care. He keeps staring at her, unable to believe she is here, warm, breathing and real, at his side.

“So, where are we?” Lily asks, straightening up and looking at him. Her question is so casual that it seems like she often has to check the year and time period when she meets people.

“Four months on for me,” Severus says, placing one hand on her bony elbow and steering her towards the stairs. Definitely real flesh and blood beneath his touch. They should pass for two students, clutching their revision notes and heading to study - not suspicious in itself.

“Fuck,” Lily complains, proving that her language hasn’t improved. “I’ve gone through, like, three weeks. I’m going to fail my O.W.Ls. They start next week.”

“Why?” Severus asks, curious. “Haven’t you revised?”

She snorts.

“Well, do you want to fail?” Severus tries again, leading her towards the library on autopilot.

“I don’t know?” Lily’s answer comes out of her mouth as a question. “I hadn’t ever really thought about getting to the point of taking the bloody things. Anyway, I’ve been _busy_.”

Lily puts a lot of emphasis on the last word, wiggling both her eyebrows and her hips at him so that he knows _exactly_ what she means.

“Charming,” Severus says, shouldering open the door to the library and half dragging her inside. “I’m sure that will go down a treat with your parents. You can let me know how _‘yes, I did fail, but I was busy’_ works on them.”

His sarcasm doesn't bother Lily in the slightest.

“You know, I think maybe I could give my Dad a coronary by comparing the size of Ethan Longbottom and Augustus Zabini’s dicks,” Lily says thoughtfully, allowing him to haul her towards the window. “I could score them. Give them points for length and girth and what they do with it. That might horrify him enough that distracts him from my exam fuck up.”

“That horrifies me. I can’t believe I’d forgotten how awful you are,” Severus complains, but he doesn’t really mean it. He is smiling for the first time in months and he feels more _solid_ now that Lily is in his presence. Until this moment, he hadn’t realised how empty he had been, a mere husk of a person.

Gracelessly, Lily flops down into a chair and begins twirling a long piece of hair around her finger.

“I’m half joking,” Lily says with a grin reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat. “I’ve actually spent quite a few evenings researching time - found absolutely nothing, by the way, but I got threatened with detention for being in the library. Everyone thought I was up to no good.”

“I bet the librarian had never even seen you before.” Severus finds himself returning her grin as he takes the seat opposite her, smoothing a hand over his notes as he does so.

Lily sticks her tongue out at him.

“Soooooo, what’s new with you?” she asks, drawing out the vowel sound of her first word as she completely changes the subject. Again, she speaks with that mind-blowing casualness, as though catching up with someone forty years in the past is a common occurrence.

“Not much,” Severus says, drawing out his wand to cast _muffliato_. “Same old.”

Lily scrutinises him for a moment. Suddenly, Severus feels incredibly conscious of the bags under his eyes and the sallow tinge to his skin from so much time in the dungeons, hunched over a cauldron.

“You look like shit,” Lily asks bluntly. She has lowered her voice, even though Severus has cast the charm to hide their conversation. “Did you join?”

The library is empty. There are too many people who actually have social lives, and they both know Severus’ charm is effective at keeping eavesdroppers out of private conversations, but Lily is still leaning across the table towards him, whispering.

Severus mirrors her posture, resting his weight on his elbows and meeting her halfway across the smooth oak surface. Their faces are mere inches apart. This close, Severus can see the she is wearing make-up: foundation, gold glitter, winged eyeliner.

“Yes,” he says quietly. “But I haven’t been to a meeting yet. I need to. Otherwise they’ll get suspicious.”

Lily’s hand twitches on the table.

“How do you feel about it?” she asks, covering her hand’s movement by reaching up to finger the gold chain at her neck. “You know, having joined and all.”

Severus sighs, running his hands through his hair. Where to even begin?

“Just start with the most difficult questions,” Severus mutters softly. “I - I’ll be honest. It wasn’t really a decision as such. My hand was forced by peer pressure.”

There’s something incredibly cathartic about actually talking about the situation with someone, especially someone who listens closely and doesn’t instantly condemn him. This has always been one of Lily’s best attributes, presumably because she has experienced so much judgement in her own time.

In the silence of the evening, as the light outside the windows begins to fade, Severus tells her about the brutal attacks on those unwilling to join and the amount of letters from Lucius, setting out the reasons the Dark Lord wanted him. He describes the fear and the horror that fills everyone, wondering what will happen to _them_ if they displease the Dark Lord, details the sleepless nights spent tossing, turning and fretting.

Lily listens, still as a marble stature, her eyebrows drawn together. At one moment, she slowly nods her head and, when he describes the boys who were left on death’s door.

“Thank fuck that wasn’t you,” she says, and she seems to mean it. “You must be really something with potions. For them to want you so much.”

Severus stares at her. Out of a story filled with horror, Lily has seen an opportunity for compliment - a compliment which makes heat rush to Severus’ cheeks.

“Maybe. But I’m in now,” Severus says miserably, tracing the wood grains in the surface of the table with one thin finger. “I have to - I’ll have to do horrible things.”

Admitting this aloud makes it seem real. Severus stares down at the tabletop, suddenly re-living the memory of Lily Evans’ distaste when he started to trail around with the other Slytherins, when he called her a Mud Blood.

“You’ve come over all Gryffindor,” Lily tells him after a beat. She says _Gryffindor_ like it’s an insult. “Is it really worth being all noble and rushing into a decision which will get your tortured and killed?”

“What?”

“ _Think_ , Snape. You’ve just told me how some boys had the shit beaten out of them for telling Voldemort where to stick it,” Lily presses on, rolling her eyes when Severus flinches at the mention of the Dark Lord’s name. “What good would it do if they strung you up and pulled your insides out to teach you and everyone else a lesson? What you’ve done is you’ve bought yourself _time_.”

Severus is staring at her now. Lily’s expression is the same, unchanged by anything he has told her, those vivid green eyes locked with his.

“Lily, they are going to ask me to torture and kill other people,” Severus points out, wondering if she truly grasps the severity the situation.

“I know,” Lily says, her voice still calm and steady. “But think about it. What use would you be if you were dead? Absolutely _none_ is the answer. You just took the chance you had to survive in war, and that doesn’t automatically make you a terrible person who is past redemption. People do shit they don’t want to in war all the time.”

Severus drops his head into his hands with a sigh.

“Look at me,” Lily instructs him, an undercurrent of steel in her voice now. She waits until he raises his head before she continues. “You’re cunning, Severus, and you’re clever, which means you can see the merit in this. Or you will when you stop moping. Go to some of the meetings, prove your loyalty and keep your ears open. Then, further down the line, if you need to get out, you have stuff to trade. Information.”

Then, apparently feeling like he needs _something_ more, Lily reaches over and pats his head in the same way one might pet a dog.

“Lily,” Severus says, now convinced that she doesn’t get it. “There is no way out.”

Lily glowers at him, dropping her hand from his head.

“You’re _so_ pessimistic,” she tells him with an irritable wave of her hand. “There is _always_ a way out, you just have to come up with one. I do agree that in your particular situation it might take a little more work and a little more manipulation from you, but I can guarantee that there is no situation that you can’t _think_ your way out of.”

Then, her piece said, Lily sits back in her chair with her chin jutting upwards, daring him to challenge her.

Once more, Severus finds himself in that frustrating, wordless state where he can only stare at her. Lily is so many things: impulsive, sparky, so laid back she is practically horizontal, stubborn to a fault. But then, just when Severus leasts expects it, she opens her mouth and wisdom that is far beyond her years spills out. 

“That’s a bold plan,” Severus says slowly, running a hand down his face as he considers her words. He can see the logic in her plan: gather information, store, use as bargaining chip. It’s genius, it really is. “But you’re _right_. Inside information is something that can change the outcome of a war.”

“ _Exactly,”_ Lily smirks. “It’ll still be bloody dangerous, mind.”

“Since when have you been a war strategist?” Severus asks her, now managing to return her grin.

“It’s my side hustle,” she says, as though it’s nothing and she hasn’t just completely revolutionised Severus’ thinking and lifted what feels like a massive weight from his shoulders.

“With a brain like yours, what makes you think you’re going to fail your O.W.Ls?” Severus asks her, somewhat incredulous that she thinks this is a possibility.

Lily screws her face up so that she somewhat resembles a monkey. She has now started deftly weave strands of her red and gold hair together into minuscule plaits, her fingers nimble.

“Probably,” she says, her resignation clear. “All of the O.W.L stuff is so _dull_. Cool, a shrinking solution. Or being able to turn a hedgehog into a pin cushion - absolutely riveting. That’ll set the world on fire, that will.”

“You’ve just put me off teaching even more,” Severus grouses, reaching out to gently tug her hands away from her hair. “You do realise that the boring stuff at O.W.L level is to ensure you have grasped the skills you need for higher study?”

Lily is pouting at him, but he knows she is listening. She also hasn’t pulled away from his hold.

“Essentially, you have to know the boring stuff to do the fun stuff,” Severus continues. “So, if you want to work with dragons or investigate time or whatever you want to do, you need to have the fundamentals under your belt.”

“Be that as it may,” Lily says with a shrug. “It’s too late for me to catch up. Dad is going to be so disappointed. He never lets us forget that he spent his O.W.L year fighi- I mean, he was up to his eyes in trouble and still bagged seven O.W.Ls.”

As usual with Lily, she catches herself mid-word when she starts to say something she shouldn’t. Severus sees this, but chooses not to press her.

“What are your worst subjects?” Severus asks, realising belatedly his fingers are still curled around Lily’s wrist. He releases her.

“Potions,” Lily says miserably. “I don’t know the theory and I’ve been kicked out of a lot of lessons. Apparently my behaviour is unacceptable.”

The last statement is delivered in a tone of would-be innocence, but Severus isn’t fooled. He can fully believe that Lily would deliberately choose to make her behaviour unacceptable. 

“I’m okay at Defence,” Lily continues. “My Dad did hours of practice with me and Ethan at Easter. He even taught us how to cast a Patronus. Professor Longbottom did some Herbology revision bits with us then too. Perks of your friend’s Dad being a Professor.”

“If your parents are such good friends, don’t they _know_ you and Ethan are dating?” Severus asks her, momentarily distracted by the familiar name cropping up once more.

Apparently, he has said something really funny. Lily begins to laugh again, so hard that she turns a brilliant shade of red and real tears of mirth gleam in her eyes.

“Oh, Sev,” she finally gasps, clutching a stitch in her side. “You’re high quality. We’re not _dating_. We’re just two really good friends who have great sex. Our parents don’t need to know the dirty details.”

“Mental,” Severus mutters, shaking his head. “Absolutely mental.”

Lily is still chuckling to herself as Severus rises to his feet, sweeping his notes back up. 

“Right,” he says, reaching a hand out to her. “Are you hungry?”

Lily shakes her head.

“Good,” Severus says, now trying to pull her up to stand too. “Come on. I’m going to give you a thorough grounding in Potions.”

“What?” Lily asks, remaining stubbornly in her seat. “No.”

“ _Yes._ I’m going to help you cram,” Severus tells her firmly, using all of his strength to haul her onto her feet.“Come _on_ , Lily. We don’t know how much time we’ve got before you get flung back to the future.”

Lily looks utterly horrified as he frog-marches her from the library, back in the direction they had come only half an hour before. The corridors are darker and the torches have been lit, something which allows them to stick to the shadows.

As Severus all but drags Lily along, she doesn't hold back, letting loose a stream of bitter fury.

“Fucking _pointless_ ,” she hisses venomously. “My Potions professor told me I’m an airhead with an attitude and I haven’t got a cat in hell’s chance of passing. Why bother waste your time?”

Severus stops sharply behind a stone gargoyle and rounds on her. Lily has a peculiar mix of pride and fury on her face, alerting Severus to the fact she is probably refusing more on principle.

“You don’t want to try to pass in case you fail,” Severus tells her calmly. “Which is a stupid reason. I _know_ that you're not stupid and I'm _not_ letting you fail your O.W.Ls.”

Lily immediately opens her mouth, clearly ready to protest. Severus simply holds up his hand, cutting her off.

Abruptly, Lily’s mouth closes and Severus makes a mental note to remember how effectively this worked for future use.

“If your Potions professor said that, _prove him wrong_ ,” he continues firmly, stepping closer to her so that his gaze is boring into her. “Don’t just lie back and take it. I thought you were made of stronger stuff, Potter.”

His goad gets to her, just as he had known it would. Her eyes flash in the light of the flames and she sets her jaw in that stubborn way he remembers so well.

“Fine,” she says, through gritted teeth. “Fine, but you’ve got a lot to cover, Snape. I want an O and nothing less.”

Severus smirks at her, resuming the path to the dungeons once more. This time, she falls into step beside him, rather than being dragged.

“Well, Potter,” he says, throwing open the door to his favourite dungeon classroom - deserted, because who in their right might would be brewing on a Friday night? “It’s lucky for you that I am the best.”

-:-

One hour in, Severus can see that Lily is incredibly bright and wickedly sharp, but she has missed a good chunk of brewing fundamentals and is liable to be distracted at the drop of a hat. He has to keep on her case, making sure she is fully focused, as he gives her a crash course on the key aspects she has missed.

“Your teacher is useless,” Severus mutters darkly as she shows Lily how to chop roots evenly. “ _Don’t_ butcher them. How has that fool not taught you this? Also, you would be better off without those infernal nails. They’re going to get in the way.”

Lily smiles down at the pink talons, wiggling her fingers as she does so.

“They’re perfect,” she announces happily. “Is the potion meant to be orange?”

“Yes,” Severus tells her patiently, tugging the back of her shirt to pull her away from the cauldron she is leaning rather dangerously over. “Now for the dragon’s blood.”

“It’s the same colour as a Puking Pastille,” Lily tells him.

“ _Lily_.”

“What would happen if I just chucked it all in at once?” Lily asks, now struggling to uncork the bottle of dragon’s blood. Impatiently, she points her wand at it.

“Bang,” Severus replies dryly, reaching over to remove the cork himself. “Pay attention to the order, Potter. You need to remember this in an exam.”

Lily tells him that he is a slave driver, that he is merciless and that Potions is for losers. Severus just stands behind her, arms folded, and reminds her of the order in which she needs to add ingredients. The end result, after much cajoling and nagging, is a near perfect Decongestion Draught.

“Shit,” Lily says when Severus tells her this, looking longingly at the potion. “Shit!wish I had my phone so I could Instagram this.”

“You wish you had your what so you could _what_?” Severus asks, completely lost. “Instant what? Actually, forget it. I don’t want to know. Next potion, chop chop.”

The look of glee that Lily had been wearing vanishes instantly, leaving her so thunderstruck that Severus can’t stop himself from smirking.

This, however, is short-lived: he has lost any sense of amusement when, three hours later, Lily manages to brew the potion without guidance from him. The process has left her scowling, easily the most irritable and spiky he has ever seen her. There had been several tense moments where Lily had tried to give up and quit, once actually stamping her foot in frustration, but Severus had remained firm.

“See,” Severus tells Lily, who has dropped heavily into the nearest chair. “You did it.”

“This is impossible,” Lily tells him. She is covered in dark smudges - her knees, her nose, her throat.

“But you’ve done it,” Severus insists, checking his watch. “Shit. It’s midnight.”

Lily heaves herself back onto her feet.

“I’d comment on your language and that I've driven you to swearing, but I don’t care anymore,” she says, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand and smearing even more dirt over herself. “Please tell me we can go to bed.”

-:-

Sneaking Lily into his dormitory is harder this time.

Initially, they are met with some success: Severus scopes out the common room, finding it empty but for two fifth years, huddled by the fire. They are too wrapped up in each other to take an interest in Severus and Lily, who stroll with forced casualness towards the stairs that lead to the boy’s dormitory.

“So far, so good,” Severus mutters to Lily as she mounts the stairs first.

All the same, Severus still moves quickly behind Lily, so close that he knows she will be able to feel his breath, hot on the back of her neck, but this proximity means he is effectively blocking her from view. Just in case.

They reach the top of the stairs and have to shuffle around to reverse their positions so that Severus can crack the dormitory door open and peer inside. It is at this moment that he realises he had spoken too soon.

Unmistakable wand light spills from the bed at the far end of the dormitory. Albert Bullstrode - tall, Pure Blood, blonde and the best Seeker Slytherin has seen in years - is sitting up in bed, holding his wand up so that he can read. Severus’ heart sinks. Bullstode is definitely going to notice a girl creeping into the dormitory at half past twelve on a Friday night.

Behind him, Lily’s breath catches in her throat.

Severus places a finger to his lips before reaching his other hand out to her shoulder. Silently, she allows him to push her back into the shadows. Only then does Severus ease the door open and tiptoe in.

Sure enough, Albert’s head snaps up straight away. Nosey git.

“You’re back late, Snape,” he whispers, flashing Severus a conspiratorial grin. “Doing anything… _fun_?”

Severus bites down a snappy retort about how people always conflate the idea of _sex_ and _fun_ , striding into the room with a dour look at the other boy. He is careful not to glance behind him.

“Not that it’s any of your concern,” Severus says, crossing to stand in front to Albert’s bed, deliberately obscuring his view of the door. “I was working in the library. What are you doing?”

Bullstrode, dressed in expensive green and silver pyjamas, moves to shove the book he is holding beneath the covers. An interesting reflex, which becomes clear the minute Severus catches a glimpse of the front cover. It’s not a spell book, but a Muggle book. 

This has provided Severus with an out. Keeping his expression cold, Severus raises an eyebrow.

He finds no pleasure in the look of fear on Bullstrode’s face as the other boy practically wilts under Severus’ glare. Both of them know the severity of the situation: a Pure Blood boy, caught with a Muggle book.

“You’d better hide _that_ better in future,” Severus says frostily. “Or, better yet, get rid of it.”

With another sneer, Severus turns sharply on his heel. No-one else in the dormitory has stirred and there is no sign of Lily.

Behind him, Bullstrode’s hangings swish closed - properly this time.

Severus’ bed is empty, neatly made from the morning. Instead, he finds Lily in the bathroom, having slipped nearly inside when Severus was covering her. She has already kicked off her shoes and is standing barefoot on the tiled floor. For some reason, Severus notices that her toenails are painted a neon shade of orange.

“ _No_ ,” Severus mouths at her, slashing one hand through the air forcefully. “Bed. Now.”

“I am _disgusting_ ,” she hisses, gesturing to the splashes and marks on her clothes with her potions-stained hands. “I reek of smoke and sweat. I’m showering. And don’t pretend you want me in your bed when I’m this filthy.” 

Severus wants to argue, but Lily is right. Also, he has also learned to pick his battles. He throws his hands up in defeat and Lily immediately begins to yank her shirt over her head.

“ _Lily_ ,” Severus hisses, quickly averting his gaze to the ceiling. “Give me some warning when you strip.”

He hears Lily’s chuckle, closely followed by the soft sound of her shirt slithering to the floor.

“That would be boring,” Lily breathes in his ear, suddenly very close to him - so close that he can feel the heat radiating off her skin.

It’s a strange moment for Severus, one where he is grappling with himself internally. He wants to stop staring at the ceilingand look down at Lily instead, but the rational part of him reminds him that she has discarded most of her clothes. Severus knows Lily, knows she will not care if he does see her naked, but also that she will never let him hear the end of it if he does.

So he keeps his line of vision trained stubbornly on the ceiling, which is painted a bland shade of white, until Lily laughs and retreats. Only when the shower has started up does Severus look down. Unsurprisingly, she has abandoned her clothes and underwear in a heap on the floor.

Just as he moves to gather her things together - his reputation is already in tatters without having to explain an electric blue bra to one of his unsuspecting dorm mates - Lily pops her head around the shower door.

“We could share,” she says quietly, waggling her eyebrows at him again. “Save water.”

“Haha,” Severus says flatly. 

“You _prude_ ,” Lily says, ducking back into the steam.

She showers quickly, something Severus is grateful for. He hands her a towel when she asks for one and she emerges, all long limbs, creamy expanses of skin and jutting shoulder blades.

“You’ll feel better if you shower,” Lily tells him, standing in front of the mirror and squeezing some toothpaste onto her finger. “Go on.”

Severus deliberates for half a second, but his own skin feels grimy and he is quick to come around to the idea.

“Don’t look,” Severus warns Lily darkly, making her turn away before he begins to shed his robes.

“See,” Lily says smugly, still wrapped in a towel when he ducks out several minutes later, feeling considerably less frazzled.

“Shut up.”

Severus finds Lily something to wear to bed and leaves her to get changed in the bathroom whilst he dries and dresses himself at record speed and quickly throws up some of his privacy spells. When Lily creeps into his bed, her long hair still dripping, Severus has settled himself at the foot of the bed, hands laced on his stomach.

He feels the mattress dip beneath Lily’s weight as she climbs into bed, jostling him as she moves. 

“What late night drinking game are we playing tonight?” Severus whispers to her.

“After this evening, vodka shots sounds like a wonderful idea,” Lily mutters, massaging her forehead. “I’m doomed. I’m never going to be ready for this exam.”

“You will be by the time I’m finished with you,” Severus tells her, deciding that this unusually morose mood means he should offer her some reassurance or praise or _something_. “You did well tonight.”

There is silence for a moment. Severus lifts his head slightly, peering down to Lily. He can just about make her out, lying on her back with her fingers still pressed to her temples. Her jovial mood from the shower has vanished and exhaustion has crashed into her with force.

“Thank you, Severus,” Lily finally says. “For helping me.”

Her words convey a genuine sincerity and Severus doesn’t know what to say to this. He has seldom been in situations where he needs a response to something of this nature; not many people feel the need to thank Severus Snape.

“What are friends for?” he asks with only a trace of awkwardness.

The smile that Lily gives him makes Severus feel like he is soaking up direct sunlight. It warms him for a good few moments, long after Lily has curled up on her side.

A few minutes of stillness pass and Severus quickly comes to the realisation that he is far too keyed up to sleep.

“Lily,” he whispers, sitting up on his elbows. “ _Lily._ ”

There is no response. In fact, it is unusually quiet from Lily’s end of the bed. On her last visit, she had been in constant motion and her mouth had never stopped _moving_.

The reason for this is apparent immediately. At the other end of the bed, sprawled across the pillow, Lily is sound asleep.

-:-

Saturday dawns, golden light filtering into the dormitory and prodding Severus into consciousness.

Lily, he has discovered, sleeps like a wild thing. Last time, probably deadened by the alcohol, Severus had slept through without noticing, but this time he feels almost _bruised_.

In her sleep, Lily has migrated over to his side of the bed, flinging her arm over his calves. She is still totally dead to the world. In fact, if it wasn’t for the gentle rise and fall of her chest, Severus would have mistaken her for a corpse. Again.

Whichever way, in spite of her tossing and turning, Lily looks younger in sleep, less fierce, and because of this Severus leaves her to her dreams for a good hour.

Starving hungry, and remembering Lily’s total exhaustion the day before, Severus heads to the kitchens and begs frothy hot chocolate and pastries from the House Elves. Lily looks totally bemused when Severus wakes her up and shoves a napkin of croissants into her hands, but she settles herself back against the pillows with a contented sigh.

“Don’t get comfy,” Severus warns her, already fully dressed and beginning to leaf through the Prophet. “We’re back to brewing in an hour. We have a lot to cover.”

Lily made a noise of disappointment, dunking the end of a croissant in her drink.

Because Lily is not content to leave him in peace and insists on reading the paper too, Severus ends up back in bed with her for a good twenty minutes, the paper spread over their knees. Lily doesn’t even try to hide her fascination as she lingers over the articles, particularly those reporting on the Dark Lord’s growing power, with keen interest.

Severus has to bully her out of bed, tugging an article about the murder of a Muggle family out of her hands as Lily drips hot chocolate over it. He has success: they are re-installed in the dungeon by nine thirty. 

“Right,” Severus says, helping Lily set up the cauldron. “Let’s start with a Befuddlement Draught.”

It begins well enough. 

Lily has remembered how to dice neatly, is careful to prepare the ingredients before she starts brewing and even uses the flat of her knife, as Severus had shown her, to crush one of the Meginnian pods to better expel the liquid. It is at this point that disaster strikes.

“My _nails_!” Lily wails as the thick black liquid spurts out of the pod, coating her hands and those pink talons that Severus had warned her were hugely impractical for pretty much anything. “Oh, fuck. Shit, cunt, fuck.”

Severus tries to stop himself, he really does. But there is something about watching the usually cool and collected Lily - the same Lily who had been unfazed at the idea of exploiting the Death Eaters - hopping up and down and waving her hands around in a futile attempt to get the juice off that is _hilarious_. Laughter bubbles up inside his chest and erupts from his mouth, even as he tries to repress it.

Lily glowers at him.

Severus wants to point out that, given the current climate, they all need a laugh these days - but he’s laughing far too hard. In fact, he can’t remember finding something this funny in his entire life. His stomach physically aches, as does his jaw, but it’s a feeling that Severus never wants to forget.

“I’m so _glad_ that your sense of humour hasn’t abandoned you,” Lily says, a very dangerous gleam in her eyes and her voice sugar sweet. “Luckily for you, neither has mine."

Before Severus can fully realise what she has said, Lily lunges for him with her hands outstretched. She’s bloody _fast_ , moving like greased lightning as she leaps, clearly attempting to wipe all of the sticky liquid down his face.

“No!” Severus shouts, fully unmanned.

He manages to catch her around the waist before she barrels into him, using his free hand to grip her wrists tightly above her head. Lily emits a shriek as she squirms in his hold, trying to break free. Severus, although he is astonished by the ferocity, just about manages to hold firm. His situation isn’t helped by the fact he is somewhat distracted by her lithe body, pressed flush against his.

“You’re - fucking - strong,” Lily grinds out, now panting from the effort.

“Thanks for that compliment, Potter,” Severus returns, quite impressed with himself considering Lily is writhing like an angry cat.

Unfortunately, this moment of pride costs him dearly.

Lily is able to take advantage of his distraction and yank her wrists free, allowing her to make contact with his face. With zeal and total, utter glee, she wipes both of her hands down from Severus’ forehead to his chin. Warm, gluey liquid dribbles down his cheeks and drips onto his robes.

“Oh, _ugh_ -“ Severus begins but he freezes suddenly, listening intently.

He could have sworn he heard the distinctive creak of the door down to the dungeons. Still in his arms, Lily freezes too. She seems to have read the expression on his face.

In the sudden silence of the room, they both wait. Then, they can hear it clearly: the sound of footsteps on the stone floor.

“Quick,” Severus hisses, releasing her and missing the contact immediately.

Lily dives back to her position in front of the cauldron, tossing a rag at him so that he can clean the Meginnian juice off his face. Swiping the coarse fabric across his face, Severus resumes his place beside her, arranging his features into an expression of calm detachment as Lily snatches up her knife and board.

“So, I tip it into the cauldron,” she says, cheeks unusually flushed as she tilts the board, allowing the juice to dribble into the cauldron. “And then I add the chopped nettles?”

It is at this moment that the door swings open and Lily Evans walks into the room.

Both Lily and Severus stop moving at once, staring at Lily Evans as though they have been caught doing something they shouldn’t be. Severus feels his heart rate pick up, thrumming hard and fast. There is something - just a feeling in his gut, but something all the same - that feels strange about the two Lilys coming face to face.

Lily - _his_ Lily, warm and unusually complacent at his side - remains frozen until Severus nudges her in the ribs. The contact jolts her back to reality and she throws a handful of nettles into the potion, barely paying attention.

“What is going on in here?” Lily Evans asks, stepping further into the room so that she can examine the cauldron, the chopped ingredients and various phials that are arranged in the order they need to be added.

“I’m doing some potions tutoring,” Severus says, careful to keep his voice neutral.

Lily puts down the board with a _thump_ and begins stirring the mixture twice clock-wise, three times anti-clockwise as per Severus’ instructions. Although she had initially gaped at Lily Evans when the other girl entered the dungeon, now she is studiously ignoring her.

“I heard shouting,” Lily Evans insists, now looking at the crown of Lily’s head with undisguised curiosity. 

Lily looks up at this exact moment, her expression unmistakably haughty as she surveys the girl in front of her. With the two Lilys right next to each other, Severus is struck again by those identical green eyes. There can be no doubt whatsoever that they are related _somehow_.

“I made a mistake when I was brewing,” Lily announces, her voice as cold as an Arctic breeze. Severus blinks at her, surprised. “I got frustrated with myself for messing up. I’m _so_ sorry we bothered you. Sev is being _such_ an angel by helping me out with this. I can’t bear to fail potions, you see.”

At this point, Severus shoots her a warning look. Lily’s words might be sweet, but the tone in which they are delivered says otherwise. He also notes her use of _Sev_ , rather than Snape or Severus - friendly. Intimate.

Lily Evans looks slightly taken aback by Lily’s frosty response and opens her mouth to respond.

“We’re brewing a Befuddlement Draught, practising for the OWLs,” Severus says quickly, before either girl can say anything else. There is a definite undercurrent of weirdness in the room.

“Right,” Lily Evans says, nodding as her eyes skim the ingredients again, clearly checking they aren’t brewing something illegal or dangerous. “Well, it’s an unusual Saturday activity but - well, it’s nice to see you doing something like this, Snape. You know, helping out other students. Making a positive difference.”

“That’s me,” Severus replies, forcing his mouth upwards into a smile and hoping he doesn’t sound too sarcastic. “Kind and helpful.”

The smile that Lily Evans returns is tinged with sadness. Perhaps she too is remembering the skinny, dark-eyed eleven year old who _had_ been kind and patient, not tangled up with the Death Eaters. Then her attention shifts.

“I don’t think we’ve met, have we?” Lily Evans’ question is addressed directly to Lily, who is carefully keeping her attention focused on the potion.

“I’m Lucy,” Lily says blandly, looking up again.

It’s only because Severus know he so well that he recognises what can only be described as a haunted look in Lily’s eyes.

Lily says nothing more, looking down at the cauldron. Severus has never known her to be like this and it doesn’t suit her. Her discomfort is clear to him too: he can see the tightness in her posture and the jerky way she handles the phial of squid ink.

His own mind is teeming with questions. Is she worried about interacting with someone else, someone who obviously has _some_ family connection to her? Is it to do with her fears of disrupting her own timeline? Is a disruption to the timeline _possible_?

Lily Evans doesn’t seem to know what to say. She is still looking at Lily with unregistered curiosity.

“Sev,” Lily says pointedly, turning to him with the silver stirrer clutched in her stained hand. “What comes next?”

“You need to bring the potion to a simmer,” Severus says automatically, stepping closer so that he can nod approvingly at the silvery sheen on the potion. “It’s got a good colour on it and I’m getting the fumes already, which is a good sign.”

Lily Evans folds her arms over her chest, leaning against one of the tables. Clearly, she has no intention of going anywhere.

“I’d suggest adding some lavender oil,” Lily Evans says, ignoring the look of surprise on Severus’ face. “Towards the end.”

Lily follows their instructions to the letter, not even complaining when Severus makes he re-shred the bamboo leaves so they are more uniform in size. Severus notices this and takes it is confirmation that she in fact _chooses_ to ignore instructions deliberately. The end result is a nearly perfect potion, which both Severus and Lily Evans are satisfied with.

“That’s a good draught,” Lily Evans says, pleased. “Well done.”

For some, inexplicable reason, this brings two brilliant spots of pink to Lily’s cheeks. Another first.

“Well, Severus has helped me a lot in these sessions,” Lily replies, stepping back so that Severus can vanish the potion for her.

“So, you’re in fifth year,” Lily Evans continues, still looking at Lily and apparently attempting to get a deeper conversation going.

“Yes,” Lily says, meeting Lily Evans’ gaze once more, but this time holding it. She is still flushed. “I haven’t really been paying attention in Potions, so Severus has been helping me get ready for the O.W.Ls.”

“Well, you’ve done well here,” Lily Evans replies, her smile warm and genuine. She has moved closer now, close enough that Severus can smell the floral perfume she has worn since she was twelve. “Both of you.”

Automatically, Severus inches closer to Lily - to _his_ Lily. Even now, he can still see the tension that radiates from her, the way she is watching Lily Evans like the other girl is a bomb that might explode at any moment.

“You’re good at Potions too, then?” Lily asks with forced casualness.

Severus sneaks another glance at her. He has the distinct impression that Lily already knows the answer, but is asking to keep the conversation deliberately neutral.

“I enjoy it,” Lily Evans replies, re-corking several bottles and carrying them over to the supply cupboard. “I take it that it isn’t your favourite subject?”

“No,” Lily says, her fingers creeping up to toy with the end of the ponytail. There is still a smear of black juice on the inside of her forearm. “I’m better at Transfiguration and Charms.”

“It’s not a lack of ability,” Severus says. “It’s a lack of attention in class. We can get you a pass.”

“Only if you keep tutoring me,” Lily replies, managing something that is almost a smile.

“Well, I’d hate for your Dad to murder you for failing Potions,” Severus returns, as lightly as he can manage.

“Oh, please,” Lily says, waving her hand dismissively. She is beginning to sound more normal, her usual energy creeping back into her voice. “He’d shout, but his idea of a threat is to take away my broom if I fail. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t give a shit. I hate flying. His disappointment will be worse.”

Severus almost drops the dragon’s blood he is holding.

“You hate flying?” Severus demands, trying to align this with what he knows about James Potter. He has always imagined James Potter’s descendants would come out of the womb on a broomstick.

“Don’t look like that,” Lily says, properly grinning now. “My Mum played professionally and my Dad - well. He’s always had insane skills. We were basically raised on broomsticks. One of my brothers is pitched to be a Quidditch star, and the other one could have been, if he didn’t like curse breaking so much. I’ve probably been put off by the Quidditch-mad family.”

“Sounds like quite a family,” Lily Evans says, returning to the table. Severus had nearly forgotten she was there. “Who’s your brother?”

A look of horror flashes across Lily’s face, as though she cannot believe she has revealed so much.

“I could tell you,” she says with a wink, covering quickly. “But then I’d have to kill you.”

All of them laugh, even though Severus can tell Lily’s is forced.

“Fair enough,” Lily Evans replies, still appraising Lily. “I’ll keep an eye out for any new star Quidditch players. My friends are all Quidditch mad, so I’m sure I’ll be able to work out who your brother is.”

“Right,” Severus says awkwardly. “Next potion is the Draught of Living Death. Are you ready?”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Lily Evans says with another warm smile, straightening up. “It was lovely to meet you, Lucy. Hopefully I’ll see you around. Bye, Severus.”

“Bye,” Lily murmurs, her expression unreadable as she watches Lily Evans walk away.

Their silence extends for a good while after the door has closed. Lily has lost some of her colour and her eyes are as wide as saucers.

“You okay?” Severus asks as gently as he can, touching her shoulder lightly.

Lily flinches as though his touch scalded her. She shakes her head forcefully, a little like she is trying to shake water from her ears, and then offers him a very small smile.

“Fine,” she says in a voice that implies she is anything but fine. “Let’s brew.”

-:-

By the end of the day, Lily has burnt a hole in her skirt, sliced her hand open on a broken bottle and sworn more than she ever has before - a new record, Severus thinks. In turn, Severus has a renewed hatred for the idea of teaching and has singed his hair _and_ his eyebrows. They are both sweaty and smoke-stained, their eyes red from fumes and exhaustion. But Lily has successfully brewed a series of potions that are, at the very least, passable.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Lily says heavily, staring at the final potion before her. “I just - fuck. I need fresh air.”

“Me too,” Severus says, dragging his hand over his face before flourishing his wand and sending the dirty knives and chopping boards soaring to the sink. “Want to walk around the lake?”

Lily looks at him appraisingly.

“No,” she says. “I have a better idea.

The castle is unusually silent, especially for a Saturday night. Severus lets Lily lead him wordlessly, slipping through the quiet corridors with practised ease.

He isn't sure where he expects her to go, but he is relatively surprised when she takes him to the Astronomy Tower, heaving the heavy door open with a grunt and letting out a noise of contentment as the cool, fresh night air hits her face.

“I love it up here,” Lily announces, heading straight for the parapet and hauling herself up to sit on the edge, legs dangling into nothingness.

Severus hesitates, aware of the sheer size of that drop from the top of the tower to the earth below. He hates heights, always has, so the idea alone of sitting up there makes him feel queasy but Lily turns, shooting him a look that says, very clearly, _get over here now_.

“You’re absolutely insane,” Severus mutters but he crosses to her side all the same, moving more cautiously than Lily but settling himself beside her, shoulder to shoulder.

“Look up,” Lily instructs him, as though she knows that Severus has instinctively looked down at the dark grounds so very far below. “Look up at the stars.”

Up above them, silver stars are scattered across the expanse of navy sky. Severus clenches his hands around the stone rim of the parapet, holding on tightly, but he follows Lily’s finger as she points to the moon.

“I know nothing about actual stars,” Lily tells him. “But my dad used to tell me this wild story about the man in the moon. How he was basically hanging out up there and watching us. It seems weird and creepy now, but I loved it when I was little.”

“That sounds nice,” Severus says, keeping his voice as composed as possible because he doesn’t want Lily to call him a wimp. “It sounds like your parents are good people.”

Lily makes a noise of agreement, still kicking her legs forwards and back.

“I know,” she says. “They are. They’ve always made it so clear that they love us and they’ve always tried to do what they think is right. The fact that they do love us so unconditionally is probably why I’m so terrible, because I know I can get away with it. All the same, sometimes I just wish they were normal, you know?”

Severus is silent, unsure what to say to this. Lily pauses, waiting to see is he is going to speak, but when he doesn’t she keeps talking.

“I know that sounds ungrateful,” she continues, kicking her legs with more force now. “But - fuck. We grew up being plastered in the papers - it’s been like that since we were born. The older we got, the worse the stories. _PlayWizard_ in particular are awful, because they target me way more than James or Al. I’ve been sexualised since I was twelve and all of my Dad’s power can’t protect me from it.”

“Twelve?” Severus echoes, unable to keep the repulsion out of his voice.

“Yeah,” Lily shakes her head. “This Valentine’s Day was the worst. They got hold of this picture of me and Al at a party.”

She pauses, taking a deep breath. It is clear that she is gearing up to tell him a story that she doesn’t like.

Severus watches her carefully out of the corner of his eye, studying her intently. Her guard is completely down now and her brows pulled together in a frown. She’s still swinging her legs, hitting her heels rhythmically against the stone wall. This is obviously a memory that bothers her, sitting painfully beneath her skin and _hurting_.

“It was a bad photo,” she tells him, more weary than anything else. “Like, it _looked_ dodgy. We’d been drinking, we were both worse for wear - Al in particular. Him and his mates had been experimenting with potions and he’d taken a bad mix, so I was holding him up against a wall, trying to keep him on his feet so that I could expel his stomach contents - which is fucking vile and totally as nasty as it sounds.”

Angrily, Lily shakes her head. Severus has all but forgotten the death drop below as he listens to her, trying to imagine this world she lives in. A world where people have parties and ingest potions for fun, where photographs are taken and beautiful girls know how to perform higher-level medical spells, designed to empty stomach contents when poison has been ingested. Where the media targets children and they get away with it. A world which, despite these flaws, is not tainted by the Dark Lord.

“It looked so sexual in print though, when the tabloids ran it,” Lily continues, so quiet now that Severus has to lean in closer. “Accompanied with a headline about how Al and I were screwing.”

Lily looks so miserable that Severus release his death-grip on the ledge and reaches over to grasp Lily’s small, potion-stained hand instead. She squeezes his fingers tightly in return.

“The sickest part is, most of the story was about how many people _I_ had been linked to and what I was wearing,” Lily says, the bitterness bleeding into her voice now. “Forget that James once got caught in a fucking threesome. My leather skirt, on the other hand… That’s what the wizarding world needs to hear about. They made me out to be some kind of sex crazed demon.”

“That’s sick,” Severus says, disgusted.

It has been a while since he felt pure fury, but that is what is now coursing through him unchecked and it is, undoubtedly, on Lily’s behalf.

“What did your parents do? What did the school do? Was it a school party?”

Lily laughs derisively at his stream of questions, shaking her head.

“Oh, Dad got onto them but the picture wasn’t doctored so there wasn’t much he could do,” she says dismissively. “Freedom of speech and the press. So the story ran. It was two weeks of hell. Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t normally wallow like this.”

Severus pulls his hand free from hers and instead grasps her chin, turning her face towards his.

“Don’t apologise,” he tells her seriously. He has long since abandoned the pretence of looking at the stars. After all, he can see them at any point. It’s not every day he can look at Lily. “I’m guessing you won’t tell me why you grew up in the spotlight?”

Lily laughs. She looks totally done in; there are dark circles beneath her eyes.

“No,” she says. “I know that you need to be careful with time and timelines. At least, that’s what my Aunt says, as well as _Star Trek_ and _Doctor Who_. What if I tell you why my Dad is famous and then I just vanish? Having never existed to begin with?”

“Did you think that was what might happen today, with Lily Evans?” Severus asks, ignoring the references to what he assumes is Muggle media. “An intersection of timelines?”

“In some way. Kind of.” Lily glances at him. “She’s not my mother, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

They both sit for a moment, very still. Lily has her head cocked, clearly waiting for some sign from the universe that she has said too much: an unusual breeze or that crackle of energy and pure magic. 

Nothing. An owl hoots somewhere in the distance.

“You asked about my Dad,” Lily says, seemingly bolstered by the fact she has disclosed something about the overlapping timelines and has escaped unscathed. “He’s really fucking normal. Boringly so. All my friends are so confused when they meet him.”

“Would you change it?” Severus asks her, trying to picture the man who fathered could father this girl. “So you could be totally normal?”

Lily purses her lips in a way that Severus has come to learn means she is considering something. She has pulled this face numerous times in his presence, deciding how much to reveal to him or what to do next or even how much of a fuss she is going to kick up. It strikes him as strange, despite the large gap between her visits and the relatively short amount of time they have spent together, that he knows this.

“I don’t know anything different,” Lily finally says with half a shrug. “I suppose I always thought I would like it, but being here and being anonymous - that’s odd too. And today…”

Now, her intake of breath is shaky. When Severus turns to look at her, Lily’s eyes are bright with tears and she has pressed her lips tightly together. Severus nearly balks. He doesn’t know what to do with genuine tears in general, let alone when they are Lily Potter’s tears.

“Have you ever met someone and you know _so_ much about them, but they don’t know who you are?” Lily asks. Severus had expected her voice to tremble, but it doesn’t. “Because that was - that was brutal.”

Severus knows she is talking about her interaction with Lily Evans, knows that this is confirmation that she is, somehow, descended from her. Not her mother: she has told him that outright, but there is that connection. 

“I can’t even imagine,” Severus tells her, wondering if he should take her hand again. 

Hand holding is a comforting gesture, isn’t it?

Before he can change his mind, Severus reaches over and links his fingers with hers once more. 

Then, just like that, Lily blinks - _hard_ \- and any trace of tears are gone. She no longer looks upset, just knackered, but her grip on his hand is firm.

“I suppose, going back to your question,” Lily says, reaching up to pull the elastic from her ponytail with her free hand. “It feels unnatural, not being famous. Like I have some weird, deep-seated, psychological need to be known and recognised. I blame the parents.” 

Severus privately agrees with her statement. There is something about Lily that screams to be noticed, that keeps her and her chaos at the centre of people’s attention. At the centre of _his_ attention. Lily without her need to be seen doesn’t sit right with him either.

“What about you?” Lily asks him. “Is there anything in your life you’d change?”

What a question.

Perhaps a better one would be what wouldn’t he swap? He’d take a set of loving parents, ones who write to him and ask about his interests, rather than those who beat him until his a mess of blood and bruises. To have real friends, ones who could be there all the time, rather than the idiots in his year who treat him as a means to an end. To be trusted and respected, viewed as a person and not a snake or a weapon. To be treated as someone’s equal. 

It’s only when Lily says “quite a small list there, Snape,” that Severus realises he has said all this out loud. He scowls.

“Are your parents really so awful?” Lily asks him, frowning again. “Do they really not see your talents? How can they not care?”

“They’re not caring people,” Severus says dully.

“They’re fucking morons,” Lily says hotly, her eyes flashing. She has stopped swinging her legs and is scowling in a way that reminds Severus of their first meeting, when she was convinced he was playing some kind of trick on her. “Merlin, no fucking wonder-“

She stops herself before she can say anymore, grunting in frustration at something else she cannot reveal. Severus stares at her. For the first time, he has the distinct impression she knows considerably more about him than she is letting on.

“What?” Severus prompts her.

“It’s just stupid,” Lily says. “How adults have kids with so much potential in their care and how they can spectacularly fuck it up. You don’t deserve the life you’ve had. You deserve so much more.”

She is still glaring but she leans against him, dropping her head onto his shoulder. It’s not a hug, but it’s the closest thing to a hug that Severus has ever had. It’s actually rather enjoyable, even if he is perched above potential oblivion, with Lily’s warmth at his side and her long hair tickling his cheek as it catches in the breeze.

“I am sorry,” she adds after a moment. “I’m sorry for the shit you have to put up with.That people treat you horribly. I could see how much you were hurting when Lily talked to you today.”

“How-?”

“Don’t deny it,” Lily commands and then, unexpectedly, giggles. “Merlin, it was _so_ fucking awkward. Your _face._ ”

“You’re one to talk,” Severus retorts, unable to stop his own smile. “You were about as warm and friendly as a bear with a head cold. I was surprised you didn’t scare her away.”

“It was the most terrifying half hour of my life,” she tells him. “I spent the entire time wondering if everything was going to explode because I was going to say something I shouldn’t, or even just because I shouldn’t be that close to her.”

 _Definitely family_ , Severus thinks. _As if there was any doubt._

“Then there was you, basically having kittens,” Lily adds, now swinging her leg to the left to bump into his. “You obviously haven’t spoken in ages and I honestly thought you were about to implode. You were being so _polite,_ but you obviously didn't know how to handle it.”

“How-?”

“Chill,” she interrupts and now he can hear the smile in her voice. “I can read people so easily, usually ‘cause they’re so predictable. But I know you.”

“Are you saying I’m predictable?” Severus demands, lifting his head so that he can glower down at her.

Lily too raises her head in order to give him a spectacular eye roll.

“No, you muppet,” she says, her words softened by her gentle tone. “I’m saying that I can read you _because_ I know you so well." 

Once again, Severus feels a sensation of heat in the very centre of his chest. Whenever Lily says something like this, or smiles at him with genuine affection, he feels like she is his own personal sun. Somehow she manages to bring warmth and joy to Severus’ icy, isolated self. He has known friendship, yes, but he has never known friendship like _this_.

“Did you really love her?” Lily asks suddenly, blurting out her question. 

They are sitting so close that their thighs are pressed together, Severus’ right arm behind Lily, who is chewing her lip. Needless to say, this is the most physical contact Severus has had in months.

In response to her question, Severus feels his eyebrows shoot towards his hairline. He has _never_ mentioned feeling any other than friendship towards Lily Evans, but here Lily is, asking him to throw his cards down about the depth of his feelings. It’s not something that he wants to do but, on the other hand, Lily has just all but bared her soul to him.

“I think I did,” Severus says slowly, weighing his words carefully. “But I don’t anymore. I still don’t like seeing her with _Potter,_ but I don't love her.”

He all but spits out the last word.

“Yeah, fair enough,” Lily says, now diverting her attention back to the sky. Here, from so close to her, Severus can see a thin silvery scar on the underside of her jaw and the freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose. “But I wonder if that’s less to do with jealousy and more due to the fact you see Lily’s friendship with him as a betrayal. He has been a prick to you and she knows that.”

“Alright, wise woman,” Severus says, nudging her very lightly in the ribs, a little like he had done earlier. “Have you been reading the tea leaves today? Consulting the orb?”

“Oh, you know me,” Lily’s response is dry as she leans her head against his shoulder once more, nestling into the junction where his shoulder meets his neck. “I just naturally expel my wisdom.”

Severus deliberates for a moment before he leans his cheek against the crown of her head.

“I’m glad you came back,” Severus tells her, finding it much easier to speak now he can no longer see her face. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Which is impressive considering we’ve spent about five minutes together.”

“Quality not quantity,” Lily says, her voice taking on a sing-song quality. “You lucky bastard. I’m such a keeper.”

-:-

Lily is asleep from the moment her head hits the pillow - which she tucks Severus’ textbook under, claiming that this will allow her to absorb additional information into her brain as she sleeps.

Severus is not so lucky. He sits up for hours, working by the light of his wand to finish his Transfiguration essay and then reading through a book on Experimental Brewing he had found tucked away in the library. Every so often, Lily stirs and turns, sometimes frowning in her sleep and once flipping over so that she is fully sprawled across her side of the bed, one arm and one leg extended towards him.

Around one in the morning, she wakes herself up somehow, jolting upright with wild, panicked eyes.

“Are you okay?” Severus asks, dropping his book from the start she gives him.

Lily presses one hand to her chest, her breathing ragged.

“You sleep violently,” Severus informs her as she flops down again. “I’m lucky to have all of my bones intact.”

“I said this the day I met you,” Lily says darkly. “And I’ll say it again. Self righteous.”

“I think you were going to say slightly more than that,” Severus returns and Lily almost cracks a smile.

“I’ve never had problems sleeping before,” she complains. “It’s your fault. You’ve infected me with exam stress. I’m turning into my Uncle Percy.”

Then, quite suddenly, Lily’s eyes widen and a dreamy look crosses her face.

“My Uncle Percy,” she says slowly.

“Sorry?” Severus asks, baffled. “I’m _Severus,_ not Percy.”

Even now, inside his head, he is racking his brains to think of anyone called _Percy._ He comes up blank.

“My Uncle Percy,” Lily says, her voice rising with excitement, actually snapping her fingers. “Fuck, I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? My Uncle Percy works for the Ministry. He _loves_ to talk about work and he has a lot of contact with the Department of Mysteries.”

It takes Severus a moment, but then he joins the dots.

“So you want to ask him about time? To try and understand how this works?”

“ _Yes._ If I ever get back,” Lily says, suddenly bleak. “I’ve been here longer this time. Maybe I’m here forever.”

“That would get you off the hook with your O.W.Ls,” Severus says, deadpan.

At the mention of O.W.Ls, Lily grimaces.

Severus takes a few moments to roll up his Transfiguration essay, wondering if he should push the chance and ask her more questions. He’s already got a lot of information out of her in the last forty-eight hours, but he wants to know _more._ It’s incredibly frustrating, hearing snippets and fragments of the future, but not seeing the bigger picture, not seeing how all of these things _connect_.

He is distracted by Lily disentangling herself from the blankets and crawling down so that she is sitting next to Severus once more.

“Here,” Lily says, thrusting a book into his hands. “Test me.”

Severus groans but proceeds to leaf through the pages of the Charms textbook Lily has handed him. She nestles down on her side, hands tucked beneath her head and curling her legs beneath her. 

“This has been a _much_ tamer visit than last time,” Severus points out, settling on the page on Summoning Charms. “No drinking, no hangovers, no cutting class…”

“ _Extra_ lessons,” Lily moans. 

“You’re a new woman,” Severus tells her, before angling the book carefully so that she cannot see the text. “Now, tell me the incantation for a Summoning Charm…”

At some point, both of them fall asleep with the heavy textbook open between them - Severus spends much of the night with the sharp corners impaling him in the ribs. His dreams are full of Lily - both Lily Potter, Lily Evans - Potter and his bastard father, all of them staring down at him and calling out to him, but from so far away he can't hear what they are saying. It's an exhausting, confusing dream. 

When he wakes the next morning, heavy limbed and bleary, his first thought is Lily and he turns to face her, already thinking about the day ahead. 

Lily’s side of the bed is empty, the sheets rumpled where she had slept, but cold to the touch. It has been a while since anyone has been there. 

Severus pushes himself up, tumbles out of bed and checks the dorm, the bathroom, the common room. He throws his clothes on hastily and searches the library, the dungeon, the Astronomy tower. It is only when he returns to his dormitory, sinking miserably onto his unmade bed, that he truly accepts that she has gone, snapped back to her own time.

“Fuck,” Severus says furiously, resorting to one of Lily’s favourite words to sum up his feelings on the situation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!! :)  
> I'm super excited for some more Marauder cameos in the next few chapters...


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